A Roving Eye

Monday, August 30, 2010

As I was standing in one of those dreaded security checkpoint lines at Reagan National a couple of weeks ago, I noticed a young, married couple in front of me with two small children. As the wife struggled to get her carry-on and oversized stroller onto the conveyer belt, her husband stood behind her staring at a college coed in the next line. He was anything but subtle. And although his wife was attractive, he was fixated on the young lady, as if he imagined himself screening her for weapons and explosives.

It happens all the time—in line at the grocery store, at the mall, at church—we glance at each other, sometimes stare. But when does a fleeting look turn into gawking? One reader wrote in and shared an experience of hers. She asked me to share it with you (all names have been changed to protect the guilty).

“Recently, I dated a guy whom I met at the gym. I always steer clear of these guys for a variety of reasons. However, after having a few conversations with Rick he asked me out and I said yes because he seemed nice, funny and I was interested in getting to know him better.

We went out exactly five times. Leading up to our last date, Rick asked if I wanted to go to his friend’s birthday party in Clarendon. I was impressed that he asked me on a Tuesday and the party was on a Saturday night. Unlike many guys I’ve dated, he didn’t wait until the last minute to ask me what my plans were for the weekend. And he invited me to an event where I would meet his friends and co-workers, which indicated to me that they knew about me, and he felt comfortable to introduce us.

That evening, the group made its way to the rooftop bar. It was a typical bar scene in Arlington on a Saturday night—girls in skimpy outfits and guys in tight tees or collared-shirts. Almost immediately, Rick started checking out other girls. I realize this happens, but think it’s impolite for guys to make it obvious and STARE! I didn’t say anything, but it made me feel very uncomfortable and insignificant. I excused myself and went to the ladies’ room. When I returned, I saw four scantily-clad, intoxicated girls sitting at our table. I squeezed my way through the girls, and gently nudged one girl out of my seat. Rick was pouring them Grey Goose and cranberry. I asked him, “What’s this all about?” He responded that he’d invited the girls over to meet his friend since he was single and it was his birthday. Did I have stupid written across my forehead? He continued to pour them drinks and stare at the girl sitting next to me, so I switched seats since he seemed more interested in her. Besides, her nasty, frizzy, dry hair was in my face and it was annoying the heck out of me.

I ignored everything but was bothered. He continued to blatantly check out other girls. By the end of the evening, I was visibly upset. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him that he wasn’t very respectful. We haven’t spoken since.” –Cher

You have to admit, he didn’t show class by checking out other ladies in such an obvious way (frizzy-haired or not). We’ve all been there or have seen it, but it’s just not cool. He asked you out, and you were his date that evening. And that trite cliché, “boys will be boys,” doesn’t fly. Weigh in readers. Share your responses and/or stories at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.

–Katie