Sound advice on selecting the right school for your family – and how to get in
Parents should focus less on finding the best school and more on finding the best school for your child
By Cindy Long
With all the competition, getting your child into a good private school in Northern Virginia can seem downright daunting. After all, this is the Metro-D.C. area, teeming with uber-aggressive, Type A personalities who are accustomed to getting what they want, especially for their children. But some local parents who’ve been through the process and secured spots for their kids in their first-choice schools say it’s not as cutthroat as many fear. In fact, it’s a pretty straightforward process when you break it down with a common-sense approach.
Ashley Chamberlain, 41, has two children at the Potomac School in McLean. She admits it didn’t seem easy when she and her husband were staring down the admissions process in the beginning. So they took it one step at a time, starting with research.
“We tapped into the knowledge and experience of our preschool director, toured the schools we were considering—both public and private—talked with friends with older children for their “been there, done that’ perspective and talked to the families of current students at the schools we were curious about,” she says.
A first-class education topped the Chamberlains’ list of priorities, but they also wanted a strong school community and a focus on the “whole child,” where developing character and integrity was woven into the curriculum. They ultimately decided on the Potomac School because it just felt right to them.
“What made the choice very personal to us was the importance of my husband’s high school experience,” says Chamberlain. “He lived overseas with his family and attended an international school that offered experiences he credits as invaluable. The first time we visited the Potomac School, he said it felt familiar to him for all the right reasons.”
In fact, finding the right fit for your family and your child should be the most important factor guiding your decision, admissions officers and educational consultants say.
“You should know within the first five or 10 minutes if it seems like the right place and you can see yourself dropping your child off to walk through those school doors every day,” says Leigh Anne Cahill, an educational consultant at Independent School Options in Alexandria. “Focus less on how many of the school’s graduates got into Harvard and more on how your child fits in. If she is an artsy, introverted, quiet type, make sure the school is right for her. If he is interested in athletics, make sure there’s a competitive team sport program. Who is your child as a human being? Low key, laid-back and fluid? There’s a school environment for that. Tightly wound and maybe a bit anxious? There’s the right school environment for that, too.”
Potomac School’s coordinator of lower school admissions, Katy Bauer, agrees. “We tell parents to go with your gut,” she says. “Decide what a good match would be for you and your child. Figure out what that feels like.”
Finding the right fit is important, but the nagging question parents have is, once they’ve chosen their school, how do they get their child in? What makes a student the right fit for the school?
While there’s no telling what a pool of applicants will look like, admissions staff agree that all students should demonstrate a desire for knowledge.
“We’re looking for girls who are intellectually curious,” says Mary Herridge, director of enrollment management at the Madeira School, a selective all-girls high school in McLean. “She should love learning and be able to dive deep into subject matter.”
Katherine Carbo, director of lower school admission at St. Stephen’s and St. Agnes School, a K-12 Episcopal independent school in Alexandria, says what sets a child apart “is that intellectual spark and a love of learning. We can sense it from a shy child just as well as from an outgoing child. It’s also important that children get along with others. We’re looking for students who are respectful and show kindness to others: their peers, parents and other adults.”
Bauer of the Potomac School says their admissions staff also looks for students who are curious about the world around them and excited about the learning process.
Potomac accepts 48 new kindergartners every year for three kindergarten classrooms. With fewer slots in subsequent years, it becomes more difficult to gain admission. All the private lower schools in Northern Virginia set aside a period of time to meet and interact with prospective young students. At Potomac, it’s called Wacky Wednesday. During the months of January and February, kindergartners are dismissed early on Wednesdays so that prospective students can meet with teachers and assistants. They explore the classroom, play, participate in a group activity then meet one-on-one with the teachers so they can get to know the children.
“We aren’t looking for perfection, and we’re not looking at kids through a microscope,” says Bauer. “We’re just looking for a level of mastery, as well as for kids who are curious and excited about the learning process.”
Some factors lower schools consider is whether the child can use scissors, identify letters or find their name in a list. How well can they separate from their parents and interact with others? Can they share Legos? Do they make eye contact with teachers?
But the assessment of an individual child is a small piece of the puzzle. In kindergarten, the admissions committee is building a class with variety and balance. With little more than a snapshot of each child, they are trying to create a cohesive group that reflects ethnic, religious, cultural, socioeconomic, learning and personality diversity. “That’s when we tell parents to take a step back and let fate lead the way,” says educational consultant Cahill.
Nobody can control what other kids are applying, she says. One year, there might be four cello-playing, computer-programming, French-speaking chess champions but only one poetry-writing, cartoon-drawing, lacrosse-playing extrovert.
Carbo of St. Stephen’s and St. Agnes School acknowledges that their school is competitive with a large number of applicants and that they look for students who are above-average to exceptional, but they also value diversity because it enriches the community. “We are looking for a diverse group of students who have strengths in different areas and are from a variety of backgrounds,” she says.
In addition to an observational visit, most independent lower schools also require a cognitive assessment of each child (usually the Wechsler Preschool and Primary Scale of Intelligence known as the “whip-see”), written recommendations from a preschool teacher or daycare provider and the written application.
Heidi Murdy-Michael’s son is a kindergartner at SSAS. To prepare him for the observational “play date” during the admissions process, she says she and her husband told him that they were looking for the best place for him to go when he graduated from preschool.
“We told him about St. Stephen’s and St. Agnes and why we liked it. We showed him the materials [we received]. For the testing, we told him that he was going to meet with a nice lady and play some games, and for the observational visit, we told him he was going to try out the new school and see if he liked it. In the end, he really enjoyed everything about it.”
Students in grades six to 12 are interviewed by admissions staff at SSAS, and though the prospect of an interview can seem scary for students, Carbo encourages parents to reassure them that it is only a conversation that allows the school and the student to get to know each other.
“During the interview, the admissions director will ask questions to learn what students are interested in, what excites them about learning, what their passions are, how they spend their time and what they like about the school they are visiting,” she says. “Students can prepare by thinking about the subjects and activities they enjoy the most and why.”
At the high school level, Herridge says interviews are a way to get beyond what admissions staff can see on paper. “We probe a bit on their interests, hear about their academic experiences and their goals for high school,” she says. “It’s also a good time to answer their questions. It’s definitely a two-way conversation. We try not to make them nervous—it’s very casual.”
Her main interview prep pointer is that there’s not much preparation required. Just be yourself, she suggests. Spend some time thinking about past accomplishments that make you proud or that you really enjoyed, what you are most looking forward to in high school and why. Talk about your aspirations, and remember there is no right or wrong answer.
The timeline for enrollment varies a bit from school to school. Each school website provides checklists and dates, but generally parents should expect to apply a year before their child will be enrolled. Once the application is submitted, testing and interviews are completed and supplemental materials have been provided, there is one more thing parents can do while they wait for springtime decision letters.
If you really love a school for all the right reasons, let them know. Follow through and follow through again,” says Cahill. “Go to a play; go to a basketball game; go to family night. Tell the admissions office that if they were to accept your daughter, she would definitely go to their school.”
You can’t say that to all of the schools you’ve applied to. Be honest because “these admissions people have a very sensitive B.S. meter,” she says. After that, the best course of action is to relax.
“Families here are very used to being able to preplan, control and fix situations,” Cahill says. “But your child is your child, and you must be prepared to ultimately go with the flow. Yes, choosing a school is one of the most important decisions a family will make, but it doesn’t have to be stressful. My best piece of advice is to make it a happy process as much possible.”
Factors to Consider When Choosing a School.
Be Selective.
Ann Dolin, a former Fairfax County public school teacher with more than 20 years of teaching and tutoring experience, is the author of “A Guide to Private Schools: The Washington DC, Northern Virginia, and Maryland Edition,” which offers families a comprehensive look at the process of applying as well as profiles of nearly 100 private schools in the Metro-D.C. area. Below are her recommendations on what to consider when looking at private schools.
Location
This may seem obvious, but sometimes a family will get an idea of a school that isn’t nearby. If it’s a really far drive in rush hour, that puts a tremendous amount of stress on a family. Make sure it’s doable and doesn’t negatively impact your quality of life.
Transportation
Does the school provide bus service? If so, location isn’t as much of a factor, but the length of the bus ride should still be a consideration.
Single Sex or Coed
Most families initially say they want coed, but I recommend you explore both types of schools. Often girls will say, “I really like how involved girls are in advanced math.” Boys might say, “Wow, I love that there’s an emphasis on movement.” Single sex schools really know how to teach to their respective gender. They are always worth looking at.
Academics
Is it a highly challenging and demanding curriculum, or does the school offer a safety net? Or is there a balance? Some schools have a lot of homework—up to three or four hours a night. There are kids who can tolerate the workload while others would melt under the pressure. Sometimes parents will assume the most rigorous school is the best, but that correlation isn’t always correct. It’s a very personal decision that hinges on what type of learner your child is. What is your child willing to do independently? If you’re having to poke and prod to get homework done, it’s not a match at all.
Also, what types of academic supports are there? Maybe your child is a great student but is highly disorganized. Do they have support systems for kids with poor executive functioning? Maybe your child is brilliant in reading and writing but poor in math. What support is there for kids in that area?
Instructional Style
Is it a progressive or traditional school? In a traditional school, the curriculum is teacher-centered, where the instructor delivers information. There’s more emphasis on skill and drill, and curriculum is compartmentalized so that English is separate from math and history. In a progressive model, there is a blending of subjects, and it is more student-centered and discussion based. The teacher is more of a facilitator, and kids direct their own learning. Parochial schools tend to be more traditional, but most schools will say they have a balance.
K-8 or K-12
Consider both types of schools. Sometimes parents are quick to assume getting your child into a K-12 school is easier because they can just continue on in the same school, but you don’t know what type of learner your child will become over the years. By eighth grade you know what kind of high school your child will do well in. Many kids need a fresh start.
Athletics
Sometimes parents will dismiss this aspect because they are more concerned about academics. But it’s important to remember that kids are concerned with their social lives. What they want to know is: How will I fit in? Who will I sit with at lunch? Will there be anyone like me? Try to find a good fit. If your kids are interested in sports, if that’s important to them, then that should be considered.
Competitiveness
Honestly ask yourself how likely it is that your child will be accepted to the school. Sometimes parents have nothing but uber-competitive schools on their list, but the ratio of acceptance is low at many of them. Have a range of schools on your list.
Financial Aid
Don’t look at just that tuition number. Schools are pretty generous with financial aid, even for families that have relatively high salaries. You may think you won’t qualify, but that’s not always true. It never hurts to call and ask. And remember that financial aid decisions are completely separate from acceptance decisions. Asking about aid won’t impact the decision to accept your child—he or she is accepted first, then a financial package is offered.
A Parent’s Path to Montessori
At first, Kelly Beeland, 41, of Alexandria City, wasn’t convinced that private school would be better than public school for her son, Sam, 5, and daughter, Bryn, 3. The main reason local schools in her area have a bad reputation is because Alexandria’s public schools have a lot of students from low-income households who don’t have the same supports and advantages as the kids from higher-income brackets. But she feels if you have a high performing student, he or she can still get a good education in the local schools. She also has two friends who were admissions officers at her alma mater, the University of Richmond. Both told her they always carefully considered applicants from Alexandria’s T.C. Williams High School because they’re exposed to so much diversity, which enriches their academic experience and broadens their worldview.
But she had a sense early on that Sam might not be a typical learner, and her feeling was confirmed when his preschool teacher told her that he had a few challenges. He had trouble holding scissors, for example. He was more wiggly than the other kids and was not the type of child who could sit still in a classroom all day.
“We realized then that we’d need to look at alternatives because Sam had a learning style that the public school might not be able to accommodate as well,” Beeland says.
When she heard about the Montessori program from a friend and began researching it, she was instantly “enthralled by their educational philosophy and learning approach,” she says. “It is truly child-centered and lets them excel when and where they naturally excel rather than being bound by grade level.”
In a Montessori classroom, students are of mixed ages, and each child chooses the learning activity they want to focus on and can do so for an uninterrupted block of time, sometimes for up to three hours. The lessons are hands-on rather than delivered by instruction, and students have freedom of movement within the classroom—exactly the kind of environment Sam in which thrives.
The Del Ray Montessori School is just around the corner from the Beelands, but Aquinas Montessori near Mount Vernon wound up being a better fit for the family.
“What sold me on it was how I felt when I was in the school,” Beeland says. “When we toured it, my husband and I had the same reaction: This is it.”
She says there hasn’t been a single week she hasn’t been thankful that they made the choice to send Sam, and now Bryn, to Montessori.
“My children are free to be children in a classroom that is designed for them to follow their natural curiosity and learning,” she says. “They’re not expected to sit still. They’re able to ask questions. And they can spend more time in one subject area in one day, which is often math in Sam’s case, if that’s where they want to be that day. That’s how we all learn best—by pursuing what you find most interesting.”
Beeland found the right fit for her family by following her instincts, and her advice to other parents is to always follow theirs.
“I knew in my gut without having the academic credentials that my son had certain needs. Now I can put words to what those needs were, but every parent should follow their child when thinking about schools,” she says. “Know your child, and follow your child’s lead.”
( November 2015 )