Male Model

Risk taker, family man, sports nut, fashion plate-no matter the label, NoVA men set the bar.

In the battle of sophisticate versus sot, debonair versus dud, which region houses the coolest hotties?

Text by Katie Wilmeth

Think the difference between the Clarendon Metro stop and the Dupont Circle one doesn’t make a difference in how you live your life? Think again. From how you dress, to how you date, to even how you drink, we rounded up some of the biggest social butterflies in the region to tell us what separates Northern Virginia men from their counterparts across the river.

QUIZ
But before you dive into the differences, we’ve turned our panel’s anthropological observations into a wholly unscientific quiz. Take it to determine if you’re a NoVA or a D.C. guy.

HAPPY HOUR
It’s Thursday night and you’re meeting some friends for an after-work drink. Do you:
a. Walk to your regular watering hole. It’s near your house, has good beer on tap, big TV screens, pool tables and/or that Golden Tee video game.
b. Enjoy a cocktail or two at a charity function or book launch party. You can work the room, make contacts and get your photo taken for the party pics page in one of those local society magazines.

FIRST DATE
You’re going on a first date with that cute girl from the fourth floor. Do you:
a. Take her out for a nice dinner at a sit-down restaurant and then a movie.
b. Bring her along to the charity function or book launch party with the open bar.

SATURDAY NIGHT
It’s Saturday night and you’re hitting the town with friends. Do you:
a. Wear khakis, an untucked button-down or polo shirt, and flip-flops.
b. Wear Diesel jeans or flat-front pants with shirt and pricey shoes.

If you picked the As, congratulations. you’re a typical NoVA man, through and through.
According to our guy- and girl-about-town panel, the stereotypical NoVA male is more of a man’s man than the guys across the District line. He may not be as concerned with fashion or worried about the status of his social circle, but he does have that laidback suburban attitude mixed with a hint of—dare we say—chivalry.

Date Night
“Here they like to go to an event and socialize, whereas the guys in Northern Virginia like to meet up to watch a ball game or go to a pub,” seconds Kate Michael, Miss D.C. 2006 and author of the blog “K Street Kate.” “I think you really choose where you live based on what kind of environment you want. [In D.C.] there’s an event every night of the week. You can go to a black-tie event on a Monday … guys in Northern Virginia want to be more relaxed.”

So Northern Virginia guys are more about the Redskins and less about getting behind the velvet rope, but that may not be a bad thing, Michael says. “Maybe it’s because we are so rushed in the city, but one fault of D.C. men is they’ll often ask for dates by text message or email, and I feel like that in Northern Virginia there’s still a bit of Southern charm. … They’ll call you on the phone and ask you out,” she says. “D.C. men see attending events as acceptable dates. Because they attend so many, taking a date to an event seems acceptable. But Northern Virginia guys will cook for you or take you to a restaurant.”

The cocktail-party-as-date dilemma, though, depends on your definition of a date, claims Pamela Sorenson, author of the blog “Pamela’s Punch,” which follows the region’s society scene. “Cocktail parties as a date are very acceptable in D.C. There are so many cocktail parties, fundraisers and events downtown, that it’s a perfect date. This is good for the guy and girl because 1) they get to see each other in a social setting and witness how they interact with others, 2) they can do the cocktail party and then dinner or something after or before, 3) they can converse with others, not just each other … 4) if their date is really good looking—they can show them off!”

Fashion Forward
So Northern Virginia guys get points for dating, but those on the social scene agree that NoVA men are sorely lacking when it comes to style.

“D.C.’s a little more dressed up,” observes Emily Hall, marketing manager for D.C. Goodwill Fashionista, who has lived on both sides of the Potomac. “People who work in NoVA full time, I think they’re a little more casual, and they tend not to care about accessories as much. They drive more, so no one tends to see them as much. In D.C., people get dressed up just to walk down the street.”

Matt Landsberg of D.C.-based custom men’s clothier Eric Finn echoes the sentiments. “D.C. [is] just a little more fashion-forward and don’t mind pushing the envelope. But … the biggest factor is where they’re employed versus whether they’re on this side of the river or that.”

Dee Dee McPhaul, personal stylist at Nordstrom in Tysons, agrees it’s D.C. men who are more aware of fashion. “In general, Northern Virginia would be more preppy; the khaki pants and the navy blazer is the uniform. When they say they’re business casual, that’s their normal uniform.”

And if NoVA men did want to go out on a fashion limb, it isn’t going to fly at Whitlow’s on Wilson. “There isn’t an area for them to go out and be fashionable,” says Ean Williams, D.C. Fashion Week director. “You have Northern Virginians that are fashionable, but they only do it in D.C.”

Ebong Eka would differ. The Falls Church resident and founder of menswear line Mi Chiamo says D.C. can claim the stylish title, but there is a contingent here making strides.

Hip Happens
The difference between NoVA and D.C. men is “actually rather difficult to define because D.C. tends to be where the action is happening, where you have a lot of charity events, social events,” Eka explains. “The misconception is NoVA is where people go to die. To get married, have kids. And that’s not necessarily the case. There are a lot of young people in NoVA.”

Eka cites the Rosslyn-Ballston corridor as a hip place that’s only getting hipper. Guarapo on Wilson Boulevard, for example, has a dress code (that means no flip-flops, boys!), and the new Hotel Palomar is bringing some D.C. cool to Rosslyn. “In NoVA,” Eka says. “there are a lot of nice pockets of social activity that you can get to without having to cross the bridge.”

The bottom line? Dealing with D.C. or Northern Virginia men is really a matter of preference. So whether you’re an A man, a B man or something of a NoVA/D.C. hybrid, there’s a place for you.

“You know, it’s funny,” Sorenson says. “There are guys in Arlington who only hang out in Arlington and those in Tysons who only hang out in Tysons. … Then there are those guys who live in Georgetown and Glover Park who only hang out there. I think there’s a sense of comfort and familiarity for guys. He wants to go where he’s known, where he’s comfortable and he knows his surroundings.”

Great Catch

You’d have to cast a pretty wide net for Northern Virginia’s star singles

Text By Susan Anspach & Vanessa Stolarski / Research by Maria Scinto / Photography by Dwayne freeman

Brendan T Haywood
Center, Wizards | Age: 28
A man who doesn’t believe in pick-up lines, the 7-foot-tall Wizards center told Sports Illustrated he relies on his smile to win a woman over. And while he may have raked in a salary of $5,000,000 for the 2007-08 season, Haywood keeps his clothing budget modest. The most he ever paid for a suit, according to the Sports Illustrated story? “$1,000.” This, combined with his appreciation for Romance languages (he once told a reporter that if he could learn any language it would be French), would have any woman lined up for a chance to court.

Ezra Qassim
Graphic Design Firm owner/Public Relations Consultant | Age: 25
Ezra Qassim, who runs his own graphic design studio, understands the importance of keeping it real. His constant face time with people for his second line of work in public-relations consulting means Qassim doesn’t have time to play games. That’s especially true of first dates, for which Qassim says he prefers a traditional affair over dinner and a movie, rather than a flashy evening of “VIP treatment, velvet-rope openings and champagne pouring endlessly.” No, no, Qassim says, “That’s better saved for the second date.”

Garrett Porterfield
Owner, Team Rover Adventures | Age: 38
An avid outdoorsman, Garrett Porterfield turned his passions into entrepreneurship with his company Team Rover Adventures, which tailor-designs company retreats. Porterfield, who describes himself as a “very mellow, quiet person,” says he finds the dating scene in D.C. different from where he resides in Middleburg. “The social scene in D.C. gets a little obnoxious,” the 38-year-old business owner observes. “There’s this sort of pressure to do all the right things.”

Kristi Lauren Glakas
Triple Crown pageant winner, Master’s candidate | Age: 28
Don’t let her petite frame deceive you. Having earned the titles of Miss Teen USA in 1999, Miss Virginia USA in 2004 and Miss Virginia most recently, in 2005, Kristi Lauren Glakas is a 5-foot-3 pageant powerhouse. She’s got the brains to match: The Centreville hometown girl is currently working toward her bachelor’s in nursing at the University of Virginia, as well as her master’s in international health at George Mason University.

Adrianna Sgarlata
Opera singer, Miss Virginia 2006 | Age: 26
Having taken the title of the Miss America Organization’s Miss Virginia three years back, Northern Virginia native Adrianna Sgarlata more recently earned the designation of master in music from George Mason University in May of last year. The voice of the Fairfax Station 26-year-old has launched her onto such stages as that of the Loudoun Lyric Opera last November and a full opera stint at the Amalfi Coast Opera Festival in Italy last summer. Where to find her out in town? “Who doesn’t like to go to the Kennedy Center?” For eats: “Anything Italian. My family is Italian, and I could eat Italian all day, every day.”

Lindsay Czarniak
WRC (Channel 4) sports anchor | Age: 31
For camera-ready Czarniak, game-day fanaticism comes with the job. The Centreville High School and James Madison University alum hails from a family of NASCAR devotees and returned to the region after college to work as a CNN production assistant before a gig as a pit reporter launched her to such great heights as reporting at the 2008 Beijing Olympics—all adding up to mean the line separating her professional and personal interests is blurry, at best.

Andrew Markert
Executive Chef, Tallula | Age: 26
A woman who dates Andrew Markert better have an appreciation for music … even if it’s Britney Spears. The guitarist keeps an open mind to people’s musical tastes. But don’t expect Tallula’s exec chef to cook for his dates right away. “That’s saved for a couple of dates in … I once dated a girl who said she liked pumpkin. So I cooked a four-course tasting menu where everything had pumpkin in it.”

Clinton Portis
Running Back, Redskins | Age: 27
Anyone who’s been privy to Clinton Portis’s many aliases—Coach Janky Spanky, Sheriff Gonna Getcha, Dolemite Jenkins—knows he is not without a sense of humor. Nor is he without sentimentality, as last season’s loss of his dear friend Sean Taylor made him determined to make the most of every day, he told a Sports Illustrated reporter last year.

Melanie Jacobson
Redskins Cheerleader  | Age 25
For squad linchpin Melanie Jacobson, in-season down days simply aren’t an option. “Having a full-time job and being a cheerleader, that really does embody who I am at this point in my life,” the Centreville resident and BearingPoint business analyst says. That means that in her free time, relaxation maxes out as a top priority, though “I do like to try out new restaurants,” she notes. A regional eating nook she thinks rises above the rest? “2941. I’ll go there for special occasions, usually.”

Amanda Mattos
Music editor, DCist Blog | Age: 27
Tysons copywriter by day, sprightly Amanda Mattos started covering bands by night for DCist.com in 2005. Today, she volunteers between 10 and 12 hours a week for the blog that reaps 1.4 million page views per month. The D.C. resident bills Arlington’s Iota and the District’s Rock and Roll Hotel stages as the best concert venues to take a date for their separated bar areas, though as for her, “my interests have switched from feverishly finding new bands to figuring out new recipes the past year or so. … I love to cook.”

Extreme Sport Ops

Where to go to get your combat kicks

By Jonathan Hunley

body slam
The KYDA Pro Wrestling school in Prince William County has been training wannabe grapplers for more than a decade. Two graduates have even reached stardom in pro wrestling’s big leagues. That’s why KYDA stands for Keep Your Dreams Alive.

Owner Jimmy Zaveski, known to everyone as “Jimmy Z,” teaches a body slam:
1. When facing your opponent, grab his or her left arm and lift it over your head so that it lands on your left shoulder.
2. Scoop your right hand between your opponent’s legs, locking onto the left leg.
3. Pick your opponent up and swing him or her onto your right shoulder.
4. Cradle your opponent’s head by placing your left arm over his or her head.
5. Slam your opponent down to the mat so that the top of his or head is pointing between your legs.

Learn more: KYDA PRO wrestling school, Manassas; 571-991-6694; www.kyda.com

What Suits You

In today’s tightly cinched economy, Certified Master Designer and C.E.O./founder of Reston’s Davelle Clothiers David Eisele Sr. says, “Everyone’s concerned about versatility. … But it hit too low a level where jeans, flip-flops and T-shirts became the norm.”

Four age brackets. Four ensembles. “The trend today is very clear, and it’s dressed-up casual. Each one of these [looks] is indicative for the age group, but it’s meant to show a little bit more of a stylized look to it.”

Text by Susan Anspach / Photography by  Jonathan Timmes / Prop styling by Alicia Maris / Fashion styling by Dave Eisele II

20s: the recent grad
For Northern Virginia 20-somethings, that equates to “more of a creative casual for not only a 9-to-5, but a 7-to-11 experience, because people want a transitional experience with their clothing,” Eisele says.

The secret lies in the interaction of fabrics. Here, “the [velvet chalk-stripe] jacket and [velvet-flocking cotton] shirt work flawlessly together. From the waist down, put some of best-looking jeans you possibly can with the shoes, and you’ve really just developed a look that’s spectacular.”

30s: the budding professional
“This hopefully is a guy that really understands that making the image and presentation isn’t about what he’s selling and saying,” Eisele explains, “but really about the way he looks.”

In piecing together patterns, people play it safe with monotoes—“almost solid to the degree there’s no uniqueness.” But Eisele cautions against the propensity to downplay. “Seven seconds. That’s how long it takes someone to make an impression. It takes three hours to correct that.” For that reason, he points to the importance of detail. Metallic threading in this tie contributes a refreshing pop, and the varnished quality of shoes makes for a finished look.

40s: the career man
David’s Black Label suits are designed in Davelle’s New York studio with “the person in charge of the way he looks and in his destiny and [who] knows where he’s going” in mind, Eisele says.

Someone, in other words, who can strike a balance between the need for said much-sought-after versatility and a sensitivity to seasonal options.

“What makes this so special is the classic feel of this tie but the current coloration of today’s environment with the dusty palate. … The chili color of the shoes, too, is so important because it goes with the grays and goes with the blues, not just relegated to browns only.”

50s: the success story
In dressing a 50-something, Eisele says, “We’re trying to take a guy who’s feeling older and transform him into feeling younger but still be respectful of his age. The jacket is easy and comfortable. The shirt has an Old World feel with a balance of squares but with a new color palette. The shoes there are symbolic of what Old World classic is. They go with any environment for a classic, elegant look.”

The look of an established career man, Eisele says, speaks to lifestyle. “This isn’t because you have to wear clothing, but because you want to, and it makes you feel good to wear it. … My favorite line is, ‘Live well, dress well.’”

Crash Course

Is Your Commute Killing Your Marriage?

Text by Lindsay Holst

Barbara*, 50, first got the feeling when she came home to a cold meatloaf sandwich Saran-wrapped on the kitchen table.

She had been running late at work as it was, and a major Blue Line delay had only exacerbated her tardiness. “My husband really enjoys cooking, and since he’s always home a good hour and a half before me, he’ll typically start making dinner when he gets back from work. When I get home, we’ll eat together,” Barbara explains.

It was one of the couple’s attempts at dealing with the lengthy commute that accompanied her new senior-level position at a well-known environmental organization in downtown Washington, D.C. Barbara’s former job, a consulting position out of her home office, had worked well with her husband’s 9-to-5 job just 20 minutes away in Quantico.

But once Barbara got her new job, “things got crazy.”

As she began leaving the office later and later before embarking on the hour-long commute home to Lorton, she found herself getting home at around 8 p.m. regularly. “That was when those wrapped meals started appearing,” she recalls. And the feeling? “It was guilt, I think,” she admits. “I felt like I’d chosen my career over my marriage, and that now I was paying the price.”

Relationship woes spawned by sluggish Metro rides and cold dinners? Initially, it can all seem a bit trivial. But don’t be so sure.

“Our region is the political hub for our country, and our success is often measured by our position or status at the work place, in addition to what we tangibly have acquired or where and how we live,” says Dr. Suzanne Nixon, a licensed professional counselor and marriage and family therapist with a private practice in Landsdowne. “Add to this soup pot a longer commute, and indeed, the individual, the couple and the family are all greatly impacted.”

In any relationship where one or both partners work, there are obviously always going to be certain quality-of-life sacrifices: More time at work—or in transit to and from work—has always meant less time spent working out, running errands or simply being together with our significant others. But in a region like Northern Virginia, commutes are slightly longer and more arduous than in other parts of the country. Traffic and Metro holdups are a daily reality, and every last minute that a couple gets together begins to count.

In Barbara’s case, the minutes had begun counting against her. “We began this sort of silent war, where I would eat my dinner alone in the kitchen while [my husband] watched television in the other room. I was obviously angry at him for not sitting down and spending time with me, and he was obviously angry about the crunch my job had begun putting on our time together. But the problem was that instead of sitting down with me to re-evaluate my new schedule, he began punishing me for it.”

Similar silent wars of commute-induced passive aggression are likely playing out in more Northern Virginia living rooms than we realize, and they beg an obvious question: If the issue is simply that both partners want to spend more time together, doesn’t “punishing” one another only further limit this very together time?

“In most marriages, two of the biggest issues deal with meeting your needs and sharing power,” says Dr. Caroline Hall, an Arlington-based licensed clinical social worker and therapist. “And a commute can often bring out both of these issues. If one partner is typically at home waiting for the other night after night, then the partner who has a longer commute seems to have the power. The at-home partner can quickly feel as if they’re at the mercy of the commuting partner.”

Issues of power and control can be further compounded if the at-home partner does not work, particularly if he or she is a stay-at-home mother or father, Hall says. “In these situations, the working partners get to commute to an adult world every day, wherein they have adult conversations and are compensated for their work,” she says. “The at-home partner might begin to resent this.” And an especially long commute seems only to enhance the distance—both literal and physical—between these two separate “worlds.”

Dr. Michael Brenneis, a counselor and therapist at The Renascence Center in Arlington, remembers working with a couple who had very specific ideas about what they wanted. “They both worked in D.C. and lived in Alexandria, but they had always wanted a big house in the country,” Brenneis says. “So they bought a big house over on the other side of Manassas.” Both partners began commuting to their jobs in Washington, D.C. “Then, they decided, ‘Well, we have our jobs; we have our house; we’re settled down; now is a great time to have a baby.’ So they did. And then it suddenly dawned on them that they had the baby to take care of, and that they were spending four hours a day getting to and back from work. They had absolutely no time left to spend together.” After evaluating their situation, the couple decided to sell their house and move back to Alexandria, where they were “absolutely a lot happier,” Brenneis says. Sure, the house in Manassas had been their dream home, but it had simply stopped working with what their lives had become.

“There’s a trap that we fall into around here where we want to have it all,” Hall says. “We want the house, the yard, and the car. We want to have a job that allows us to afford these things, and we want to be able to enjoy the work we do at that job. And in this area, that can be very hard to do.” Hall says that she would challenge a couple in this situation to consider moving closer to the workplace. “Why not at least discuss it?” she says. “You’re purchasing the time back for yourselves.”

That’s what Kim, 34, did. A senior associate at a D.C.-based education organization currently working on her Ph.D. dissertation and living in Bethesda, Kim says that her job switch was based largely on the increased amount of time it gave her with her husband.

“My old job was in Alexandria, which was sort of a pain to get to from Bethesda,” she says. “I would have to walk to the Metro, take two different trains in order to get to King Street from Grosvenor, and then I’d have to take the bus from there or walk the 11 blocks to my office.”

And the stress from her commute came through loud and clear at home. “Everything just sort of suffered,” Kim says. “We’re avid runners, and it was hard for me to fit in exercise, which we would do together. I would come home frustrated and stressed, and we’d have to sit and talk for a while about everything that was stressing me out. I just felt like it was this incredible waste of time.”

When Kim took her current position in Washington, D.C.—a 35-minute commute to Union Station on Metro’s Red Line—she says the difference was immediate. “I wasn’t as tired in the evenings, and that certainly made me less moody and made my temper much less short. I hadn’t realized how much that long commute had affected my level of irritability.” For Kim, then, the stress and time squeeze she experienced simply did not make the long commute worth her while.

But how do you know if the juice is worth the squeeze?

“By being realistic,” Brenneis explains. “The couple has to sit down together and decide what’s important to both partners, but also how reasonable it is to assume that these things can happen.”

Once a couple determines this, they have two options, Brenneis says: They can change the conditions to suit their goals, or they can stop beating themselves up over the fact that things didn’t work out exactly the way they had envisioned. “Successful couples share common hopes, dreams and goals for the future,” Nixon says. “There is an understanding of ‘why’ we work as we do, and ‘why’ we live in an affluent, powerful and high pressured region, and with that comes an acceptance. The couple must be and work as a team. It’s all traced back to shared goals.”

After a few sessions, Barbara says things began changing. She still gets home late, and she’s still often greeted by plastic-wrapped leftovers. But now her husband greets her as well—with a glass of wine in hand. “Would I rather still cook dinner together every night? Of course I would.” she says. “But you know what? With a little wine, shared leftovers are almost just as good.”

How to make your commute more manageable

Check in.
Hall recommends interspersing brief “check-in” phone calls throughout the day. “Who’s paying this bill? Who’s picking up that birthday cake? Figure out ahead of time what errands or chores need to be done, and who will take care of what. That way, once you get home, your alone time won’t be spent discussing these things.”

Let your commute work for your relationship.
Nixon recommends buying two of the same books or lectures on tape, picking a subject matter that you both enjoy. “Listen to them, and in the evening discuss them,” she says. “It will help you connect. You can also do this with a piece of music. Just knowing the other person is listening to the same song can be connecting.”

Don’t personalize your stress.
“When something becomes stressful in a relationship—a long commute or otherwise—the people in the relationship tend to personalize the stress,” Brenneis says. “We might assume wrongfully that our partners are taking so long to get home because they don’t to be with us, or the commuting partner might blame themselves for a long commute.” Sometimes, stress is just stress, and it’s important to remember that our often-demanding lifestyles reflect specific choices that we’ve made.

Meet halfway.
Hall recommends that couples plan on meeting for dinner, a drink or a movie at a centralized location halfway between home and work a few days out of the month. “it’s a good way to spend some extra time together, and it cuts your commute in half,” she says.

Signs your commute might be affecting your marriage
– Communication breaks down. You stop listening to each other, vent your negative emotions at your partner or place more blame on them than before.
– Your mind and body suffer. You start noticing increased feelings of stress and even increased health issues at home.
– You feel disinterested You begin to notice that you don’t have a strong desire to spend time with your partner.
– You dread arriving home One partner appears to “enjoy” his or her long weekday commute. Conversely, the other partner begins placing blame on the commuting individual for “not being home yet.”

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(April 2009)