Halloween Candy Reviews

Posted by / Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

Photo by Mike Ramm

Before you dive into that candy bowl, check out these deadly serious chocolate reviews.

When Google acquired the survey-compiled reviewing platform, Zagat, the click-hungry company expanded its food focus. Out just in time for Halloween, here is a sample of Zagat’s newest product launch, with its signature quotation-based commentary: Candy Reviews*.

Twix
A “cataclysmic” collision “spawning” an “otherwordly crunch” that “knocks” you to “Mars.” With an “aerated cinderblock” base, comforted by a “quilted blanket” of “caramel,” this “knobby” stick reverberates joy.

Skittles
What a “marvelous treat” to find a “rainbow” of “fruit-like” “orbs.” The “sticky” “confection” tastes “oddly similar” whether you “pick a ‘strawberry, ‘lemon,’ or ‘grape’” “coin with” the mark of the “S.”.

Reese’s Cup
A “whiff” of the “nutilicious” “crown jewel” of the “highly competitive” Halloween business will bring a “rush of unstoppable saliva” to your mouth. This “ridged cup” consummates the “star-crossed lovers,” chocolate and peanut butter.

MORE: CANDY CRITICISM 

*Just kidding, reviews are based on tastings by the NoVa Mag Food Desk.

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