Fizzy Fallout: A Breakup Note to Diet Coke

Posted by / Tuesday, November 27th, 2012

Photo by Shutterstock/ vonzolomon

Breakups and heartaches are the worst. I’m going through an awful one right now. Think: painstakingly awkward run-ins at restaurants, a sharp increase in chocolate consumption and serious sleep deprivation. This fizzy fallout is miserable. 

Dear Diet Coke,

We had a fun run. I’ve been thinking about us a lot recently and decided it’s time for us to go our separate ways. It’s not you, it’s me. No…on second thought it’s actually you.

Some say love is an addiction. I was definitely addicted to you. You were what got me out of bed in the morning and what got me through the day. I’d sit at my desk longing for the feeling of carbonated chemicals and feel somewhat of a high by popping your tab. I’d feel a brief period of comfort. But things have changed. I’ve met someone else.

Someone named Water. People tell me they can see the difference just by looking at me. My skin is glowing, my teeth are whiter and I figured out I don’t actually have fine lines under my eyes—it turns out that you were just sucking the life out of me. I’m really sorry it ended this way, and I wanted you to hear it from me (or whatever it is we say to justify our actions).

I know what you’re going to say: “But you had some days you got through solely on me.” That’s true. And also disgusting. I’m way too young to not be adventurous in my selections. 

Please don’t think I don’t remember all our fun times—because I still frequently think of our European escapades. I got to see another side of you—you as Cola Lite. You stuck with me through six months in Switzerland; from a partner during long layovers and train rides to late nights and low cal-mixers. I’ll never forget how we spent the days soaking in thermal baths in Budapest, attempting to navigate the partially closed down tube in London and walking the seven hills in Lisbon.

I’m at a different place in my life now. I’m no longer jet setting from one European city to the next, taking in the local culture and nightlife. I’m no longer staying up late to finish term papers or to hang out with the roomies. I’m no longer a college student who operates on point-five hours of sleep. I’ve grown up and we’ve grown apart. Thank-you, though, for all the support you gave me during the craziest years of my life.

But it’s time to move on. You’ll always have a special place in my gut.

Love you always,


3 Responses

Maura Says:

Melissa, this is great! It’s kind of interesting that water provides it’s own sort of pick-me-up. This was fun to read :-)

Melissa Says:

Thanks, Maura! Glad you enjoyed it. This definitely gave me closure!

Lori Morton Says:

Melissa, you have a gift for writing and an astute grasp of our fizz-crazed culture! I’m impressed with your tenacity and drive to end your addiction! :) I hope to read more of your writings in the future.

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