The Little Red Book

A Drink Worth the While?

Each month, we’ll take a particular scenario or question from a reader and present it to our panelists who include Kristen Quackenbush, a local matchmaker for Master Matchmakers; Hot 99.5’s Kane Morning Show co-host, Samy K; and yours truly. LRB will respond to your situations with three (perhaps distinct) viewpoints. Let’s get started!

“I was out with friends, and a guy came up and asked to buy me a drink. I let him, but now my boyfriend is calling that crossing the line. I did it to be nice and get a free drink, but he thinks I was giving this guy an “in” and leading him on, in turn degrading our relationship in front on my friends. Who is right?”

Matchmaker Kristen: The boyfriend is right on this one. No guy is going to buy a woman a drink in a bar without hoping that it will lead to more. It is a flirtatious gesture and you should have gracefully thanked him for the offer but declined the drink. Look at it this way, you potentially damaged your relationship over what, a $7 glass of Pinot?  Plus the poor sucker who bought you the drink had no chance with you. Let him save his money for women who are actually available.  It is simply not worth making your boyfriend feel he cannot trust you when you are out socially without him. If you are in a committed relationship you should not allow strange men to buy you drinks period.

Samy K: This may come as a surprise to most people out there, but I agree with the boyfriend 100%. Sorry, let me re-phrase this…I agree with the boyfriend 100% IF he’s the kind of man who would hate to one day have his own boat with a butler that also doubles as a mariachi singer!!! I look at this way…you’re going to be with this woman for let’s say 50 years total (if she’s the one), and if you go out twice a week and are buying at least four drinks a night in the city for her that’s roughly $187,200 ($275k with interest) you can save by having other men buy drinks for her.  So consider me buying a drink for your girlfriend an investment in your future and soon-to-be boat (mariachi/butler included).

LRB: I have met a few guys who don’t mind if other dudes buy their ladies a drink. What a relief! These guys tend to be secure in their relationships and trust is established. One of my exes was not fun to go out with because his jealous streak reared its possessive head every time a guy (sometimes a friend) talked to me or offered me a cocktail. Oh the arguments! I might as well have worn my sweats. But what if the shoe were on the other foot…how would a woman feel if someone bought her man a drink? I know plenty of girlfriends who would not stand for it. It’s healthy to establish a few ground rules before socializing; it’s not worth all the consequent arguments.

Tell us what you think, readers. Leave your response below or hit me up at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.


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4 Responses

Abby Says:

Sometimes a drink is just a drink. I’ve known plenty of guys who just enjoy making sure folks are having a good time. What the writer didn’t say was whether the guy did in fact try to get her number or monopolize her time?? If not…congratulations on the free drink and obviously your BF has some growing up to do. At the end of the day, its not so much about right/wrong…its about whether you like the BF enough to put up with a jealousy/insecurity streak that u may only have scratched the surface of…hmmm…decisions…decisions!

Weiner Says:

Getting drinks from other people is fine. Heck, if the BF is that jealous and afraid of his girlfriend getting free drinks from other dudes, than he should be more cognizant and aware when his girlfriend needs a refill and get it himself – then it is a moot point. Besides, a drink is a drink. She’s not going out on a one-on-one date with another guy or sharing a bottle of wine together. Seriously, dude. Chill out, and get a drink for yourself.

Jess Says:

We Agree completely! A Drink can be just A Drink! and there is nothing wrong with meeting new people… what happened with real socializing?? If you trust your girlfriend or Boyfriend and they have a drink in a social setting what is wrong with that. In fact I think it should be done more often. Im fact we have an App to hep you socialize more it’s called Buy Me A Drink! launches in July… if you download it, it’ only fair your boyfriend downloads it too!

In the meantime learn more it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHX93b3n18U

PS. It was created by a girl who wanted a drink

Karen Says:

I know just accepting a drink may sound innocent and harmless to some, but if a guy sees a bunch of women together (I am assuming that the friends she went out with were not a group of guys and gals) and he goes over and offers to buy one of them a drink, he IS making an overt PASS. If she accepts, then she is giving him the impression he has a chance of getting to know her better. However, if he offers to buy a round for the whole group of friends, then it is a bit more of a “let’s all have fun” gesture (plus showing that he has money to burn, with which he might hope to impress one of the girls). The downside of accepting a drink from a strange guy when you have no intention of letting the drink gesture go any further, is that he may end up being an even stranger guy (can we say stalker?) when he realized that he was just taken for a chump and used for a free drink. His male ego may get hurt and he might feel that he is being made fun of or laughed at. No one likes a tease, especially when he has spent hard earned money for nothing. I really don’t think it wise or kind to accept a drink from someone you have no intention of getting to know better.

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