Each month, we’ll take a particular scenario or question from a reader and present it to our panelists who include Kristen Quackenbush, a local matchmaker for Master Matchmakers; Hot 99.5’s Kane Morning Show co-host, Samy K; and yours truly. LRB will respond to your situations with three (perhaps distinct) viewpoints. Let’s get started!
“I was out with friends, and a guy came up and asked to buy me a drink. I let him, but now my boyfriend is calling that crossing the line. I did it to be nice and get a free drink, but he thinks I was giving this guy an “in” and leading him on, in turn degrading our relationship in front on my friends. Who is right?”
Matchmaker Kristen: The boyfriend is right on this one. No guy is going to buy a woman a drink in a bar without hoping that it will lead to more. It is a flirtatious gesture and you should have gracefully thanked him for the offer but declined the drink. Look at it this way, you potentially damaged your relationship over what, a $7 glass of Pinot? Plus the poor sucker who bought you the drink had no chance with you. Let him save his money for women who are actually available. It is simply not worth making your boyfriend feel he cannot trust you when you are out socially without him. If you are in a committed relationship you should not allow strange men to buy you drinks period.
Samy K: This may come as a surprise to most people out there, but I agree with the boyfriend 100%. Sorry, let me re-phrase this…I agree with the boyfriend 100% IF he’s the kind of man who would hate to one day have his own boat with a butler that also doubles as a mariachi singer!!! I look at this way…you’re going to be with this woman for let’s say 50 years total (if she’s the one), and if you go out twice a week and are buying at least four drinks a night in the city for her that’s roughly $187,200 ($275k with interest) you can save by having other men buy drinks for her. So consider me buying a drink for your girlfriend an investment in your future and soon-to-be boat (mariachi/butler included).
LRB: I have met a few guys who don’t mind if other dudes buy their ladies a drink. What a relief! These guys tend to be secure in their relationships and trust is established. One of my exes was not fun to go out with because his jealous streak reared its possessive head every time a guy (sometimes a friend) talked to me or offered me a cocktail. Oh the arguments! I might as well have worn my sweats. But what if the shoe were on the other foot…how would a woman feel if someone bought her man a drink? I know plenty of girlfriends who would not stand for it. It’s healthy to establish a few ground rules before socializing; it’s not worth all the consequent arguments.
Tell us what you think, readers. Leave your response below or hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org.