Dear Little Red Book,
I used to date a guy for two-and-a-half years. He is a mama’s boy, and she is an anti-social person. After a year of dating my ex, he asked me to move in with him, and then he opened a hair salon with his mother and asked me to work for them as a manager and stylist assistant. I accepted the offer. After several months we began arguing, and his mother complained about me talking too much with the stylists. We fought almost every day, so I decided to leave him. I moved in with my mother, but we still talk and text. He told me that he loves me but wants to be single. He sends me texts saying that he misses me. Every time I need help with my car or with work, I call him and he is there to help me. However, I am dating someone new and feel bad because I feel I am cheating by talking to my ex. I love my ex, but I don’t want give up the opportunity to be happy with someone else. I need help. I don’t know if what I am doing is right or wrong? – Wishy-Washy
Matchmaker Kristen: You have to realize you are both using one another to fill a need, but it is not a healthy relationship. This is a relationship of convenience. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear you are still intimate from time to time with him as well. He is telling you enough to string you along and make you think he cares about you and loves you, but if he truly loved you and wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t want to remain single. You are doing the same thing by making him feel needed in your daily life by filling the “boyfriend” role. You need to stop the constant contact and secretive flirting with your ex and focus on your current relationship. If you need help with your car or work turn to your boyfriend, NOT your ex. Understandably this was a very serious relationship that happened early in your life, so it seems more significant than it really is and you feel it is important to hold on to him (and vise versa) in some capacity. You will never get over him and you will jeopardize future relationships if you continue down this path. It is time to say goodbye to the old relationship and move on with your life.
Little Red Book: It is like getting a haircut. Sometimes you get a bad cut and learn never to make that mistake again. Other times, cutting off several inches of your long locks can be frightening since it has been your look for so long; therefore, you wait years to trim it. Removing split ends is healthy though, and over time you will adapt to your new do. Your ex boyfriend told you that he loves you but wants to be single. Your decision is simple; believe him and move on. It may not be easy but it is necessary. If you refuse to let him go, then end your relationship with your new boyfriend. Would you like to be played like that? Finally, avoid getting involved in the family business in future dating relationships. It’s a blowout waiting to happen.
Have you been in this situation? How did you handle the dilemma, and what advice can you offer Wishy-Washy? Post your comments below.