The Little Red Book

Between an Ex and a Hair Salon

Dear Little Red Book,

 I used to date a guy for two-and-a-half years. He is a mama’s boy, and she is an anti-social person. After a year of dating my ex, he asked me to move in with him, and then he opened a hair salon with his mother and asked me to work for them as a manager and stylist assistant. I accepted the offer. After several months we began arguing, and his mother complained about me talking too much with the stylists. We fought almost every day, so I decided to leave him. I moved in with my mother, but we still talk and text. He told me that he loves me but wants to be single. He sends me texts saying that he misses me. Every time I need help with my car or with work, I call him and he is there to help me. However, I am dating someone new and feel bad because I feel I am cheating by talking to my ex. I love my ex, but I don’t want give up the opportunity to be happy with someone else. I need help. I don’t know if what I am doing is right or wrong? – Wishy-Washy


Matchmaker Kristen: You have to realize you are both using one another to fill a need, but it is not a healthy relationship. This is a relationship of convenience. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear you are still intimate from time to time with him as well. He is telling you enough to string you along and make you think he cares about you and loves you, but if he truly loved you and wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t want to remain single. You are doing the same thing by making him feel needed in your daily life by filling the “boyfriend” role. You need to stop the constant contact and secretive flirting with your ex and focus on your current relationship. If you need help with your car or work turn to your boyfriend, NOT your ex. Understandably this was a very serious relationship that happened early in your life, so it seems more significant than it really is and you feel it is important to hold on to him (and vise versa) in some capacity. You will never get over him and you will jeopardize future relationships if you continue down this path. It is time to say goodbye to the old relationship and move on with your life.

Little Red Book: It is like getting a haircut. Sometimes you get a bad cut and learn never to make that mistake again. Other times, cutting off several inches of your long locks can be frightening since it has been your look for so long; therefore, you wait years to trim it. Removing split ends is healthy though, and over time you will adapt to your new do. Your ex boyfriend told you that he loves you but wants to be single. Your decision is simple; believe him and move on. It may not be easy but it is necessary. If you refuse to let him go, then end your relationship with your new boyfriend. Would you like to be played like that? Finally, avoid getting involved in the family business in future dating relationships. It’s a blowout waiting to happen.

Have you been in this situation? How did you handle the dilemma, and what advice can you offer Wishy-Washy? Post your comments below.


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8 Responses

shishi Says:

I have a good idea of how you feel to be stuck in the middle with your ex and “someone new.” I dated this guy for a year who loved me a lot because I was his first girlfriend and at the same time I didn’t want to be with him so I started seeing someone else and broke up. Then, I missed my ex and he kept telling me how much he loves and cares for me while I couldn’t makeup my mind and was cheating with the person I was seeing even though he thought he got me back. I realized what’s right and wrong, therefore I am suggesting you stop communicating with your ex who tells you he loves you but doesn’t want to be with you. All that is doing is making you think as if he’s still so into you and you won’t be able to move on very fast thinking there’s still a chance for him. Start a good relationship with the new person and let your ex know how happy you are.

A1113 Says:

I think that if you started a new relationship with a new person, you should cut off your ex, unless you see him just as a friend. Otherwise is not fair for the new person you are dating and for you, because why would you want to be with somebody else if you do not love that person. Also i feel that you should stop and really figure out what you feel for each one and based on that make a final decision. If you feel you can’t get over your ex, then you shouldn’t be dating someone else. Or if you feel that this new person can help you get over your ex then you should keep dating him, which i think what you should do.

CA24 Says:

I think you should continue talking with your ex only if you’ll be discipline enough to stay faithful. Your ex told you he wants to be single so that means he’s not a threat to your new relationship. You should let your ex know about the new guy so he won’t try anything in the future. You should also let your new guy know about your ex so you won’t feel like you’re doing something wrong. The new guy you’re with will be happy that you’re being honest with him. Maybe your new guy and your ex might become friends.

John Says:

The solution is simple, you need to get over it. Even though it is hard you should cut off all ties with the ex. Him telling you he loves you but doesn’t want anything is essentially him playing you back. You either want someone or you don’t. Good luck.

Kiid Dadi Says:

if you want to know whether you’re doing right or wrong, put yourself in your new boyfriend’s place? would you accept that he speaks to his ex knowing that he might still have feelings for her? I don’t think so. Therefore, I think you have to choose to stay between your ex or the other. However, your ex clearly says that he wants to remain single which i think shows that he has no intention of building a healthy and long-term relationship with you. So, focus and consecrate your time to your new relationship. Unless you are sure that you love him and that you are ready to rekindle your relationship with him, you ought to have a serious conversation with your ex about the future of your relationship. From that point, I hope you will make the right choice and be happy in your life. Good Luck!

michelle Says:

Just let your ex and take a new relationship with new one.
I think, he does not care about you have a new relationship with the other guy. Also, you have to thinking about your life and yourslef not for him.

Ryan Harmouche Says:

The best advice i can give to Wishy-Washy is to move on. I have experienced a relationship where my girlfriend of 2 years split up with me and after the break up we still had strong feelings for each-other. We still would exchange texts and tell each other how much we missed each other but we both were not ready to start over. As time went on we both went or separate ways and she entered a new relationship eventually. She still contacted me from time to time with “I miss you” texts but I’ve accepted the fact that our relationship is over and she found someone new so it was time to move on. I refrained from replying so that I didnt get sucked back into liking this girl again. I still miss her very much and ill always have a soft spot for her but I realized it was best to just look out for whats best for me and find some one new.

-Ryan H.

Dennise Says:

I was in the same situation as wishy washy a couple of years back. I found it helpful to stop texting or communicating so much with my ex until both our feelings were long gone. This will help and build a strong, guilty free relationship with your new boyfrined! Your ex made it clear her wanted to be single. Don’t keep draging along. Take what he told you and move on from it. I did and now the relationship with my boyfriend is stronger than ever and my ex and I are strictly friends. Hope i helped!

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