The Little Red Book

First Love: Rekindling a Romance

Holiday break is just around the corner, and many of us will be heading out of Northern Virignia for a well-deserved vacation. It is a time to relax with family and reconnect with old friends. One LRB reader is debating whether to rekindle a romance with her former flame whom she will see but is wondering if it is the smartest move.

“In high school a girl and a guy were dating for three years straight, towards the end of her senior year he broke up with her. The main reason why they broke up was because, they both were going off to different colleges and he didn’t think the relationship would work long distance. However, they both promised that they would always love one another and have a special place in their hearts for one another. Once they went off to college they stopped communicating for like three or four months, and now he is randomly texting the girl everyday and he wants to see her now that he is back in town for Thanksgiving/Christmas break. Should the girl see him knowing she still has feelings for him? And should she get her hopes up that he is trying to get back together just because he is saying he misses her and wants to spend some alone time with her? Or is he just playing games with her? Would you happen to have any relationship advice to lend? I want your advice along with others.” – High School Love

Matchmaker Kristen and I will tackle this dilemma later this week. What would you do readers? Have you reunited with your on-again/off-again partner? If so, did it work out? Post your advice below.

- Katie

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17 Responses

Amber C Says:

I think this situation is very sticky. But its worth the risk. The seeing each other could make them realize they made a big mistake. Also it could confirm for both of them why it was good they went there separate ways. The best thing is to go into it open minded but prepared for either way. I have met up with old lovers and it just confirmed why there in the past. It was the closure and confirmation I needed.

Mei Says:

I feel it all depends on her view of the guy prior to their break up. She should ask her questions like, “how was he as a boyfriend? In moments of temporary distances, were there ever disputes regarding his ability to stay faithful or just not be flirtatious in anyways.” The bottom line is, she needs to think about if he is away from her, how strong is his ties to the relationship. This is a good way to see if he wants to start something up this winter break and continue it afterwards. If he can show to her that this break is more than a moment for love, but a new beginning of continuing love, than there might be hope for this being more than a fling alone.

Dennise Says:

This is a tough situation because of the fact you know he is only here for the short break. Whats going to happen when the holidays are over and he has to go back? Are you willing to go through another break up? Even though i am all about second chances I think you should really think about seeing him again. You might be seting yourself up for heart break. If you find that you do want to see him, ask him and make sure what his intentions are. Hope i helped!

TT Says:

Hi guys,
Your story is really interesting. This holiday is really a special time for everyone. After a whole tired year, people just need to spend it with important people, family or friend. Why this guy in the story just mentions about this girl, but anyone else. Whether this girl is still in a top position in him or not.
First, we should discuss about the reason why both of you decide to break up. The guy decided to broke up because he found out they do not have the same tendency, the same purpose, or particular the same college, not because he loved another girl. Who knows after this meeting, he will his perspective because of her. Their relationship naturally ended. The ages in High School is not really a perfect or mature enough to decide what is the best for the rest of their lives. The fire of love easily and powerfully burns, but it quickly dies also. According to me, your love can be remarkable memory in High School. One question is in many months, whether both of them found another boyfriend or girlfriend, or they still kept in mind the image of each other.
Second, the boy is always in an active position: he is the first one say “good bye”, and it is his mistake. He will pay a price for it, and the girl will give the price for her ex-boyfriend to pay. Sometimes, the price can be free. A silent or a dead sound in a music can make the song to be more attractive, so how about their quite space will be. The quite months will make their relationship to be stronger. They have time to understand each other and themselves more, or the quite time will destroy their connection.
Third, I approve for the next meeting. The girl has two sides: her heart and her mind. Her mind think that the boy made a mistake, but how about her heart. Some months are not too long to forget a person. The next meeting will help both of them realize that they belong to each other or not. The girl should give her a chance. She can give him a “punishment”, cute one or evil one, if she likes. Just keep everything in positive way. She should carefully consider the relationship, and how she feels. It is more important for face to face directly than avoiding each other. Both of them can be a good pair, or at least become good friends because they know each other the whole time in High School. If the boy needs a forgiveness, the girl should give it if she think it is worth. Because if both of them get married, they need to forgive each other a lot. Are they ready for that? A conflict makes people understand each other more. (CST)
Finally, I hope both of them have a not really bad holiday or an extremely wonderful one. Actually, I prefer the last part :D. Who knows how the future will be. Just look straight at the truth, and analyze it. Keep in positive way.
“Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” -Bob Marley
Another truth is, I wrote this letter in the second time. The first time is more natural, but I forget to put my name and my mail in the required box. Thus, it was error, and I wrote again. It is life. We made mistake, and we grew up.:D

TT Says:

one more thing, whatever just keeping going to school. :D Young guys.

A11130 Says:

I think the girl should see him. The reason is because if they had such a great relationship where the guy was good to her i think he deserves a chance to see her and if she still has feelings for him, why not try again. Maybe the guy wants to be back with her and since she also wants that it could have a good outcome for both of them. I think that the fact that they were always good to each other they should give it another shot, because there is nothing wrong with that. At the end of the day my advice would be do whatever feels right to you.

Isaiah Landerer Says:

This seems to be a difficult position that she is in. i think that it would be smart if she didn’t get back together because he probably just wants to be with her when hes back home, but then there in the same situation when he leaves again.

HR Says:

I would say definitely meet up with the guy, but be careful in getting your hopes up! Life has a way of dashing them, very quickly. Just try to keep everything strictly friendship related. But at the same time, keep an eye on how he feels about you. If the question or getting back together comes up, consider your options. He’s one who broke up with you, is the distance no longer playing a part in the relationships? And there’s always the idea of distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Either way, best of luck!

KiiD DaDi Says:

The question here is “are you ready to go through another breakup again?” If he broke up with you to avoid long distance relationship, he might do it again if he has to leave you at the end of the break in case you get back together. You should expect him to breakup again if you are considering rekindling the relationship. If you think you cannot handle that, I suggest you really maintain your distances from him. However, that is pretty hard, and you cannot avoid him all the time just because you do not want go through another breakup. So, I think it would be best to discuss that with him. Meet with him, collaborate.Have an earnest conversation on the future of your relationship. If you both want to get back together, discuss whether you are both ready to maintain this relationship and whether a long distance relationship is worth it. Or, you can compromised and allow each of you to have other partners. For example, my partner and I have decided not to terminate our relationship when I go to graduate school, but we agreed that to have other relationships in case we really think that our relationship has no future and it is best for both of us. I know it is a pretty tough dilemma to deal with, but again, I think it is best if you both take the time to talk about it.

CA24 Says:

I think she should see the guy. They can just be friends. She shouldn’t try to start dating the guy again if she’s looking for a long-term relationship.If they have a real connection, they wouldn’t go 4 months without talking.I feel like the guy is just interested in having a fling but maybe I’m wrong.

vc Says:

The main issue with this situation is for the girl to be objective. Sure, if life were perfect, he would be talking to her only because he still loves her and wants to prove it by staying in touch with her throughout college in some way. At the same time, the girl would reciprocate these feelings and neither of them would be attracted to anyone else throughout their college careers.
Obviously this is ridiculous and the reality is much more complicated. But, given that people can see the extreme unlikeliness of this “perfect” situation should illustrate my point of how knowing that things cannot go this perfectly, both sides must proceed with caution. The best advice I can give is to be objective and make decisions based off of reason rather than emotions.

Alli Says:

I think that she should see him, but shouldn’t hope that he has a feeling for her. They might meet each other anyway because they are going to their houses over the break, and if they went to the same high school they must live in the same neighborhood.

Jorge Garcia Says:

I say she gives it a shot. Why? Because my current girlfriend and I were dating in high school for 2 years. When it was time to go to college we decided to give the long distance a shot. It worked for a semester, then we decided to go our seperate ways. Our situation was dlsimilar but different for the fact that it was summer vacation not the holidays, not too different. To make a long story short, we got back together and couldn’t be happier we have been together again for almost a year now:) and I plan on proposing in a couple months:)
Go for it!

R.C. Says:

Since you still have feelings for him, it is certainly worth meeting each other. I would recommend meeting someplace where you can talk that is casual, such as a coffee shop. This will give you an opportunity to catch up and decide if you two would like to try and make your relationship work after all. Keep in mind, however, that he was initially unwilling to try and make the relationship work long-distance. See how it goes. But, keep your guard up—You don’t want to get back together, only to be in another complicated situation. Keep it casual, and see what develops.

Moe Says:

It’s a really hard decision to make! But I believe it worth taking the risk. And here are some things that the girl should know before she meets him, going to see him after a while of not seeing each other; they both might have something change in their lives or personalities. This meeting could clarify everything between them. It’s either they could return to each other, or each one of them would go in his/her way. However, if the girl did not go to see him, she might regret that for a while for not going. Finally, I would advise the girl to go what it sounds right to her.

JA_007 Says:

This one is hard because it really depends on what the man is like, as a person. Is he the type to ‘play games’? Has he done things in the past that would suggest it? If so, I would probably avoid it because he probably hasn’t changed over the course of a year in college.

But, if you feel that he’s genuine, then go for it! Sometimes bonds are stronger when farther apart. It’s an inverse idea, but, again, if you you think he’s genuine, then it won’t hurt to try at all. Opportunity may or may not be knocking right now, but you have to make sure that it is definitely opportunity who’s at the door.

I hope the best for you!

Anonymous1 Says:

Right off the bat, I believe that it would be unwise on your part to not go and visit him. If you still have feelings for him, it wouldn’t make sense to hold back and not go. I doesn’t hurt if you go and try it. If you don’t go you won’t have an answer. You are going to end up wondering what if he still does like you or not. This could prevent you from ever moving on at all if you don’t have an answer. So I say you should definitely go and find out the truth.

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