Posts Tagged ‘Dating’
The Elephant Has Left the Room
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Monday, June 21st, 2010
Monday, June 21st, 2010
Last week I met a long-time college friend for lunch in Reston. I confirmed two truths during this visit. The first is practical: You should always have cash on hand when driving, because you may encounter a toll booth or two, and a debit card is out of the question.
The second truth deals with matters of the heart.
Near the end of our lunch, my friend stood up and announced, “I have to go to the bathroom, but when I get back I’m going to tell you about how I’m gay.”
I gave him a reassuring smile and said, “Good.”
My friend and I first met during our freshman year of college in theater arts class. I always had a hunch about his sexuality and even asked him once. After all, his Facebook pictures show him mainly posing with dudes, he’s a meticulous and trendy dresser from head to foot, and he appreciates designer labels more than any of my girlfriends. In any case, he denied that he was gay at the time, so I let it go.
We talked about his news when he returned to the table. It was a comfortable conversation. He felt relieved to share his secret since it was a discussion he had always avoided in the past. I felt relief, too. As my dad says, “If you can’t be true to yourself, you can’t be true to anyone else.” Finally, we have an opportunity to be more open and honest with each other. And this lesson is transferable to a cross-section of relationships.
Share your “elephant in the room” story. Email me at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.
–Katie
Pick-Up Lines That Literally Fall Flat
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Thursday, June 17th, 2010
Thursday, June 17th, 2010
We’ve all heard the cheesy lines. But a couple of readers this week shared pick-up stories that veered toward the bizarre side.
One reader attempted to flirt, but it didn’t work out so well.
“I was at a friend’s pool party and noticed a beautiful woman sitting at the edge of the pool. I gathered the courage to go up to her, and as I said hello I tripped over one of those noodles and fell into the water. It really got embarrassing when my friends started laughing.”—Clumsy
It was probably difficult to play that one off. But hey, you entertained everyone watching. It could’ve been worse; at least the water caught your fall instead of the cement. But the big question I’m sure we all have on our minds is: Did she talk to you after that? Or did she just join in the laughter?
“Getting hit on at the doctor’s office? That’s lame. One time a guy tried his best to flirt with me while I was deciding between melons at the grocery store. He approached me and explained how to choose the best melon. I thought he was just being helpful at first, but then he asked if I wanted to join him for melon balls and wine that evening. No!”—Melonee
Sounds like this guy’s a melon connoisseur. Did you make sure to ask him, before you said no, what type of melon and wine pair well together?
Initiating conversation with somebody you’re interested in is not easy. You may give it your best shot and fall flat, sometimes literally. Don’t over-think it. Oftentimes, the best way to flirt is through body language, eye contact and a smile.
As always, share your stories, ideas, or comments by emailing me at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.
–Katie
Do Pick-Up Lines Ever Not Fall Flat?
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Monday, June 14th, 2010
Monday, June 14th, 2010
Where is the weirdest place someone has hit on or flirted with you? On a recent visited to the doctor’s office, as I was preparing to leave, a gentleman in the waiting area looked me up and down and asked, “So, what are YOU in here for?”
Nice one.
I bet most of you, including those on the shy or awkward side, can think of a more appropriate introduction, especially at the doctor’s office. He may as well have said, “I’m here for a bad case of awkwardness and, now, possibly Deipnophobia (fear of dining or dinner conversations).”
Here’s another lousy pick-up attempt. At a restaurant this past weekend in Dewey Beach, a man stepped up to the bar to tab out and said to the bartender, “I usually don’t go for white trash women, but I like you. Can I get your number?”
I heard her tell him in response that his comment was the equivalent of him spitting on her.
Or I’m sure all of us have heard the typical, “I lost my number. Can I have yours?” Seriously, what are these people thinking? Do patrons of clubs or bars look that desperate? Giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they lost a bet. Either way, those of you who are out there using lines like these should be ashamed to show your faces again in the same establishments. Trust me, you were marked as “that guy” or “that girl.”
So, readers, any weird or bizarre pick-up stories or places? What are the awkward one-liners you have heard? Email me at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.
–Katie
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Thursday, June 10th, 2010
Thursday, June 10th, 2010
While many people still believe in saying “I do” before living together, the tide has shifted. Even the traditionalists are changing their tune.
“Primarily, it’s a cross between morals and old school. I’m of the persuasion of not living together. However, I could argue both points. I don’t need to try it to buy it. If I love her it’s worth the journey, so I’d rather marry her than shack. Besides if I’m in to her then I’m committed to her, so marrying her is the logical step in expressing my love especially when is reciprocated. In the end, do what you believe you can live with.”—Chocolate Bunny
You said it. Do what you can live with. Many people who choose to cohabitate break up in the end. And down the road they have to explain to their future spouse why they lived with a handful of partners before them.
“My daughter dated her high-school sweetheart for many years. They wanted to move in together before getting married, but I begged her to wait so she did. They married, he treated her very badly, and they eventually went through a long and bitter divorce. If I could do it over again, I would have encouraged her to move in with him first. That way she might have seen him in a different light, and perhaps she would have decided against marrying him.”—A Mom
Since they dated for many years before marrying, she must have grown accustomed to his bathroom habits, cleanliness or lack thereof, and television and videogame consumption. Likewise, if he treated her disrespectfully during marriage, my bet is he was a jerk while they dated, too. Some men and women put up with disrespect for way too long.
Share your opinions, anecdotes and post ideas. Email me at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.
–Katie
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Monday, June 7th, 2010
Monday, June 7th, 2010
It seems everyone has an opinion about live-in relationships before marriage. Some think that testing the waters before taking the plunge is a necessity—maybe the only true way of really getting to know a person—while others seem to go the more traditional route and balk at the idea of—What is the phrase? Oh, yes—getting the milk for free. In this generation, the latter notion seems to be drifting into retirement, as society appears to be less judgmental about co-habitation today than in the past.
I’ve heard from people who are completely in favor of it, as well as those who are strongly opposed to living with their significant other. There are some who say it’s OK, but only if you are engaged. Others say to take your time; date for a year and then decide.
But one person’s experience does not always apply to the next person’s choice.
I’m aware of a few couples who live together and eventually opt out of marriage. They say, if it’s working now, why change it? Others say they move in together for practical reasons—it’s cheaper. One acquaintance told me she lived with her boyfriend because it was one step closer to getting engaged. In the end, he left her. I haven’t come across research showing that living with your partner before tying the knot guarantees marital bliss. However, I have been told by individuals that co-habitation saved them time and heartache down the road because it helped them realize they didn’t want to marry their partner after all.
You make the call. How do you feel about living with someone before getting married? Does this decision depend on a person’s age, maturity or the length of a relationship? Have you lived with someone before getting married, and did it work out? Share your opinions about this topic. Email me at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.
–Katie
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
Respondents to this week’s earlier blog post agree that in addition to working out, the gym is a great place to people watch. They consider themselves Gym Rats, but appreciate all the entertainment the gym provides.
“Yes, I’m guilty of using the gym to socialize in the past; however, I’m a gym rat. My attire is presentable, but I’m more focused on the workout at hand. But let’s be real, the gym is another place to meet people. I’ve seen some very attractive and shapely women. For me their personality would be the key but I applaud the view.”—Chocolate Bunny
Here’s a tip, Chocolate Bunny. Watch or participate in a Zumba class. It’s like watching an action-adventure movie. The instructor is especially fun to keep an eye on because she can dance, fast. It’s filled with ladies, and you’re guaranteed lots of personality.
“I’m over 50, and at my age I don’t care about impressing people. Besides, the people in my aerobics classes are all women. I go to the gym for my health only!”—Mrs. Body Pump
“I’m totally a gym rat. I get in and out and try to get the biggest bang for the time I have to give it. That being said, there are a few people I wave at in public after spending countless hours next to them on a treadmill or in a class. I have to tell you about two guys I watched a couple of months ago. They were totally Hans and Frans from those SNL skits in the ‘80s (or was it early ‘90s?). Anyway, they were both sporting the muscle T-shirts with biceps bigger than my head. They had matching buzz cuts and would (no kidding) stop to do muscle poses in the mirror. Absolutely hysterical. I kept waiting for one of them to stop and say ‘We’re here to pump *clap* you up!’”—Amanda
Great story, and relatable. It reminds me of a guy who works out at the gym in my apartment building. I call him Spandex because, yes, he only wears spandex, from shoulders to thighs. He’s usually on the elliptical machine in front of me, and has a bad habit of using the mirrors to stare. And I’m talking stares that sometimes last up to 10 seconds long.
If any of you work or live in Crystal City and would like to participate or watch, there’s free Outdoor Zumba every Wednesday from noon-1 p.m in the courtyard of 2345 Crystal Drive. You can find many people—especially men—hovering. And as always, pass along your stories, comments and opinions at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.
–Katie
Gym Rats and Social Butterflies
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Tuesday, June 1st, 2010
Tuesday, June 1st, 2010
You can find my sister and me at the gym four to five times a week. In addition to providing a hard workout, it’s a fun place to people watch, since there are so many egos and mirrors. We’ve been to most of the area gyms—Gold’s, Bally’s, Esporta, Sport and Health, Fitness First—and have observed two types of people (in general): Gym Rats and Social Butterflies.
Gym Rats are those people who focus solely on their workouts. You can find many of the men lifting weights and the ladies taking a class. They work out hard, sweat hard and don’t give much thought to their appearance since they aren’t there to make impressions. Hence, you may not recognize a Gym Rat friend or acquaintance at the gym since they usually look completely different at work, at the mall, and out on a Friday night.
The Butterfly category is made up of men and women who use the gym to socialize, flirt and possibly get a date. They sport form-fitting, matching outfits; the ladies wear lipstick and jewelry. Many of them chew gum for fresh breath; some stroll around with a personal trainer. At times they spend up to an hour and a half at the gym and only work out for a total of 20 minutes.
My sister and I are Gym Rats. However, we’ve definitely been approached by Social Butterflies. You may observe people striking up a conversation on a rowing machine, in passing or while sipping on an energy drink at the juice bar.
Have you used the gym to socialize? Maybe you’ve met someone there. Can you relate to either category I described or perhaps both? Write and tell me about other caricatures you’ve observed. Send me your experiences, comments and opinions at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.
–Katie
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Thursday, May 27th, 2010
Thursday, May 27th, 2010
This week, I asked if you prefer text messaging or talking on the phone, and whether or not you believe texting creates more confusion when it comes to getting to know somebody. And it seems like a unanimous vote that while the tech-crazed world we live in does offer the convenience of quick blips or 140-character ramblings of our daily activities, it is by no means a way to start, end or live a relationship.
“It’s much classier to phone someone early on in a relationship. I know texting is a trend, but you will stand out in a totally good way if you have the guts to call a girl instead of easily texting her.”—Darth Vader
“Pick. Up. The. Phone. Seriously. For dates and new business ventures in particular, I agree with Maria’s point about misunderstandings that can occur over email/text messages. If you want to make a date with a gal or nail down a contract, just make the call.”—Stacey
You heard it from more than one person: CALL. It’s natural to feel a little anxious or nervous before chatting with someone new, so jot down a couple of “talking points” if that will help you prepare for the conversation. The person on the other end will appreciate the call.
“I’ve found that while texting is awesome for simple messages to each other (where are you, how are you doing, have you seen my car keys), people rely on their technology too much, to the point where even the big conversations happen through text. While I can understand it’s just plain easier, there’s just something lacking from being stood up or dumped over a text. Sometimes you need to show a little respect for the time spent with the other person, even if the act of speaking over the phone or in person is difficult—and unenjoyable.”—Neal
Have you actually been stood up or dumped via text, Neal? If so, I’m interested in hearing more. Texting is a sleazy way of breaking plans and breaking up with a person.
“I try not to text all that much. … I reserve my texting to unimportant information or that small useful tidbit like, I’ll be there in 10 minutes. The only time that I like to use texting is when I am at church or at a meeting where you really can’t talk but need to let someone know something. Things written whether in email form or via a text can be read in more than one way. Depending on the reader, one can come to a totally different idea on what the true meaning behind something might be. Inflections in the voice and sarcasm are not able to be conveyed using these two forms. I try to have as many face-to-face conversations as possible because I feel that this is the only way to truly get to know someone.”—Doug
Doug, I agree with your rule of thumb when it comes to texting. Convey only unimportant tidbits of information. It’s clearly stated information that can’t be misinterpreted. Now, I’d like to hear more about your texting during church. I’m imagining messages such as, “Meet u at crkr brl in 30 min” or “Bdubs at 1 to watch the game?”
Got stories? We want to hear them. Email me your anecdotes and relationship or dating tales at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.
–Katie
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Monday, May 24th, 2010
Monday, May 24th, 2010
When I was growing up, talking on the phone and face-to-face communication were the primary ways of getting to know someone. Instant messaging, emailing and texting were uncommon. Thus, I was on the phone every night as a means to socialize.
Nowadays, with the luxury of mobile phones, many of us text instead of talk. No doubt, phone chats can be awkward in a new relationship, so we instead swap garbled written fragments, capable of being erased and re-written. We send short messages such as, “had a good time” or “ur awesome, gnite” or “meet u at 730.” And b4 we know it, we’ve had a conservation of sorts with the other person. It’s easy and efficient, but is something lost in the modern-day exchange?
Do you prefer texting to talking on the phone? Is it easier or more challenging for you to interpret the meaning of text messages? Do you believe texting creates more confusion when it comes to getting to know somebody? One such reader says:
“…I have an email in my inbox from a nice man asking for a second date. But his two suggestions in the email are not really something I want to do on a second date. It would be so much easier to have this conversation on the phone, so that the person on the other end doesn’t misunderstand my intent when I say that those are great ideas, but I’m not ready for that long of a date just yet. In early dating it is so easy to hurt someone else’s feelings or have a misunderstanding. This is compounded by lack of tone and feeling in email and texting.”—Maria
Email me your thoughts at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com, or leave a comment below.
–Katie
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Thursday, May 20th, 2010
Thursday, May 20th, 2010
Some of you chimed in this week by giving your definition of a date. Here are your responses.
“A date is a more formal request to go out, unlike hanging out as a couple or a group of friends. It is a clear commitment from the requester. The venue can vary as well as appropriate attire for that venue. Generally, there’s some form of likeness or affection towards the individual, and asking them on a date is a means to explore those feelings.”—Chocolate Bunny
You’re right, Chocolate Bunny. There should be an interest in the other person. Why would someone go out on a date if they weren’t interested? Perhaps they want a free dinner, more dating experience or they’re just plain bored. Email me your reasons, readers, if you’ve gone out on a date but didn’t necessarily have any interest in the other person.
“A date is something planned in advance. It’s not a date if a co-worker or acquaintance says out of the blue, ‘Hey, wanna grab lunch right now?’ However, planning an evening with someone is understood to be a date, unless stated otherwise.”—Long Duck Dong
Long Duck Dong and Chocolate Bunny both agree that a date should be a formal, thought-out request. That’s two votes for planning ahead of time.
“My idea of a date is when a guy calls me (rather than texting or emailing) and asks me to go out on a date. I believe a first date should be a nice dinner, drinks (coffee if you don’t drink) and dessert followed by an event such as a concert, walking around the monuments, or another interactive venue where he and I can engage and get to know one another. Watching a movie is so high school. You just sit there—so not engaging. I am by no means materialistic, but I do believe it is the guy’s responsibility to treat the girl—at least in the beginning stages of a relationship. It doesn’t have to be a fancy meal or expensive outings, but he should properly court the girl. That said, girls shouldn’t jump into bed with the guy on the first or second date. Any hope for a relationship goes out the window.”—Samantha
Samantha: I’m currently writing a blog about the variety of ways of communicating (talking on the phone versus texting). You read my mind, girl! Stay tuned for that entry.
Do you have comments about this post? Maybe you’ve tried online dating or have a breakup story to share. Email me your stories at littleredbook@northernvirginiamag.com.
–Katie