Posts Tagged ‘Family’
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Thursday, December 18th, 2008
For some, the path to U.S. citizenship needs repairs
By Forrest Glenn Spencer / Photography by Seth Freeman
In early 2005, Sarah Wibert, who first relocated from England with her American citizen husband, decided to become a U.S. citizen. She took the requisite test in November of that year and passed. Today, she’s still waiting.
Back in 1996, because Wibert’s husband had a clearance job, the two, now of Harper’s Ferry, W.Va., had to attain permission to be married. “I had to get my fingerprints taken, background checks and so forth,” she remembered. She then repeated the process when she filed for a visa, then a third time when she first embarked upon her as-of-yet unfinished naturalization process. “So, yet more paperwork, background checks, fingerprints, even though the government already had this information multiple times.”
Every applicant becoming a U.S. citizen has his or her own story to tell about the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) process. For Mariana Andrade-Bejarano, all the necessary forms were filed, the required fees all paid in entirety and the background check complete. The end of a long and sometimes tedious process of change was near for her to become a naturalized citizen. Still, anything could have gone wrong.
On Thursday, Jan. 10, she reported to the USCIS Fairfax office. There, she was to take her history and government test in a modest office building perched on a road called Prosperity. With luck, she would attend the naturalization ceremony with her family later in the day.
It was the moment Andrade-Bejarano, 20, had been pursuing for eight years since she and her family arrived to the States from Bolivia. She was slightly nervous, but felt well prepared. The anxiety of other immigrants sharing the room with her, however, hung heavily in the air. Between the stress of dealing with the federal government and the apprehension that something could still go astray, the mood is not atypical.
Shortly after 10 a.m., Andrade-Bejarano was ushered from the lobby into a room with an immigration officer. When asked for her permanent residency card, she suddenly realized she didn’t have it. It was gone, and there are two things every immigrant knows they should never, ever lose: their social security card and their green card. At first, she panicked, knowing she had the card just minutes earlier. Retracing her steps to the lobby, others nearby pointed to where she had been sitting.
The green card was on the seat, where she had previously dropped it inadvertently.
Far right, immigrants take the final steps to citizenship at the USCIS offices. Like the rest, Mariana Andrade-Bejarano first had to pass a test, for which she studied up to the Jan. 10 minute.
“I was clumsy,” the George Mason University student said. “I was lucky the card was still there. People would have paid tens of thousands of dollars for that identity.”
Although the day nearly started in disaster, it ultimately ended in victory as Andrade-Bejarano became one of America’s newest legal citizens.
More than 700,000 individuals were naturalized last year in the United States. Generally, to become a legal citizen, an applicant must meet certain requirements concerning age and lawful admission and must have legally resided in the country for at least five years. The Immigration and Nationality Act of 1952 also requires an individual to speak, read and write English, understand the structure of the American government and its history, and possess “a good moral character.”
For Andrade-Bejarano, the process began in 1999 when she arrived in the United States; specifically, Northern Virginia. She came here with her little brother and mother. Her stepfather was already an American citizen who divided his time between the United States and Bolivia until the family decided to relocate to this country permanently.
But there were times she wondered if coming to the States was ever going to happen. Acknowledging an apparent injustice in the visa system, Andrade-Bejarano believes she and her family were the exception to the rule.
“We were lucky because we were economically stable in Bolivia, and we were lucky because a member of our family was an American citizen,” she noted. Although it was a year before her family finally heard from USCIS, Andrade-Bejarano was quick to point out that for many others who are trying to get a permanent visa, the average wait time is three years.
The requirements and qualifications for being naturalized seem straightforward, yet it is an arduous process that is not without potential problems or delays. The one thing holding up Wibert’s citizenship and attendance at the naturalization ceremony is the background check performed by the FBI.
According to USCIS press secretary Christopher Bentley, 99 percent of all cases submitted to the FBI clear within six months. He noted that the remaining one percent—about 150,000 pending cases—can take years. “The FBI has to do a rather laborious check of some manual systems and paper files to make a determination if someone has something in their background that would cause them not to pass the name-check clearance,” Bentley explained. “The stakes are too high. To maintain national security and the integrity of the process, we don’t grant citizenship until the name-check comes back from the FBI.”
Wibert and her family have hired one of the region’s immigration attorneys to help sort out their issue with USCIS.
A ccording to Reston immigration attorney Amelia L. Ramer, “There are inherent problems with the system on a variety of levels. It’s first in, first out. There’s a huge caseload that USCIS is working on, and there’s a big backlog. People filed before the fees went up.”
In June and July of last year, USCIS saw a case increase of 350 percent in comparison to 2006. That’s 1.4 million applications USCIS received for naturalization. To meet the challenge, the services department is in the process of hiring 1,500 new federal employees and will expand by another 1,300 later in 2008. But that news still didn’t stamp out all the criticism they face, especially from immigration attorneys who work directly with adjudicators and immigration officers to solve problems and ease their clients’ procedural burdens.
“Every processing action takes too long. The adjudicators are frequently undereducated and generally have little understanding of international realities. But the worst certainty is the inconsistency of decisions,” said Herndon attorney and former Department of State officer Paul L. Good. “This is true both amongst the regional service centers and within the district offices themselves. One reason for this is weak oversight from Washington headquarters. The adjudicators are human and thus susceptible to bias, illness, boredom and ignorance. There are excellent adjudicators, of course, but the odds of getting one of them are poor.”
Andrade-Bejarano faced such officials in Bolivia, a country that only has one U.S. Embassy that’s a six-hour drive from her former home. Traveling there was the last stop in her green card process.
“You go there when you’ve got everything together,” Andrade-Bejarano shared. “From X-rays, medical results, copies of your income, copies of all the property that you own, taxes paid, school grades—they all matter.”
Naturally, there are many fees associated with the process, such as seeing a designated U.S. Embassy doctor, because bribery is a problem in Bolivia—even in the medical profession. The approved doctor charged $160 for the examination eight years ago, the equivalent to some Bolivians’ annual take-home income. In the end, it cost $9,000 to bring the Andrade-Bejarano family to America—a sum that didn’t include the airline tickets.
The family moved to Falls Church and waited the required five years before Andrade-Bejarano’s mother could begin the naturalization process. In November 2006, the naturalization application and $400 fee were submitted. Five months later, she was ordered to a nondescript building in Alexandria to be fingerprinted.
“It wasn’t your typical government office,” Andrade-Bejarano described in recollection. “There were a lot of people, lots of Hispanic faces, maybe it was the area.”
After being processed, filling out another form and attaining a booklet for the test, she was told she would be contacted within six months.
She wasn’t. By the end of October, Andrade-Bejarano’s family had not heard a word and was concerned there was a delay. Phone calls yielded no answers.
Soon after Thanksgiving, Andrade-Bejarano was instructed to appear at the USCIS facility in Fairfax on Jan. 10 for her naturalization test. An examiner was to ask her up to 10 questions, ranging from president names to the number of members in Congress to the name of the current chief justice of the Supreme Court.
Before the test, each applicant is given a small card he or she had to read aloud, stating their full intention of becoming a U.S. citizen. Then, each is handed a second statement to read aloud, that on this day they have come to the USCIS office to take their naturalization exams. Andrade-Bejarano read the card clearly and without problems. She proceeded to answer the questions posed by the examiner. There was no one else in the room besides her and the immigration officer. She was told to remain in the lobby, that she would soon learn her results. By 10:30 a.m., she was calling family and friends with the good news that she was indeed to be naturalized that day.
It is a call Sarah Wibert is still waiting to make, although she is now more concerned about the status of her child. She has a son from a previous marriage who was eligible at the time she first passed her exam to accompany her through the process.
“But we are still waiting. Over two years has gone by since I took that test, and now my son is too old to automatically become a citizen with me.”
Wibert’s son will now have to commence with his own naturalization endeavors, which Wibert said is ridiculous. The family has already paid thousands of dollars and engaged an attorney to assist them. Time is now their enemy. If they are not naturalized by next year, they will have to start the process from the beginning. 2009 is the year their permanent residency status will expire.
As she recalled those who participated in the naturalization ceremony that day, Andrade-Bejarano said she is among the lucky ones.
“There was a woman with a walking stick in her 80s. There was somebody who looked even younger than me. I definitively recognized people from all continents. The woman who was leading the ceremony was Hispanic.”
Part of swearing allegiance to the United States of America is renouncing loyalty to one’s former country. Some of the immigrants that day, Andrade-Bejarano said, found themselves unable to surrender that allegiance aloud. Instead, they left the ceremony.
“Life is choices, and I know I have made the right decision, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt a little bit to say that my loyalty is no longer Bolivia,” she admitted.
“But everything the oath said I believe in.”
(May 2008)
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Thursday, December 18th, 2008
Legal immigrants join the voices of those embittered toward the undocumented and insecure
By Forrest Glenn Spencer / Photography By Seth Freeman
José* hates working Sundays. The Metro bus he rides has limited service on that day, which sometimes forces him to walk the two miles to the Tysons shopping mall where he works four days a week. Other days, he can be seen working cleanup for a landscaping crew. Even when pressed, he won’t divulge his employers.
The 22-year-old is a small, wiry young man who endures Sunday work shifts for the sake of financially supporting his parents in Mexico. He has no visa, no work permit and no legal papers for his presence in the United States.
José entered the country illegally in the summer of 2005, in search of the proverbial better life that lures so many others here. “There’s no money at home,” he said through his translating brother-in-law. “No jobs, not enough. I had to come here.”
José is among the tens of thousands of illegal aliens who enter this country each year. According to best estimates, there are 12 million undocumented individuals in the United States and about a quarter of a million in Virginia. They entered the country in various ways and for different reasons.
“There are many,” José said. “We just work. Maybe get a sponsor. I want to stay.”
It cost José several hundred dollars to enter past the border. He hitched a ride into the United States in a cavity of a Dodge truck back seat. The cavity, he described, had a deeper interior than appeared on the surface. Still, only a small figure like José could have possibly fit inside. He laid perfectly flat and in darkness for over an hour. Once he reached his U.S. destination, José caught a Greyhound bus in Texas. Nearly two days later he was in Washington, D.C., where his family met him.
When asked if he plans to obtain legal status, he shrugged; if he is worried about being arrested and deported, he said nothing.
“It’s a risk,” his brother-in-law said, acknowledging the consequences both men would face if ever caught. “But he’s family.”
Immigration and the status of illegal aliens is one of the key political topics from the local to national levels, and there’s a rising divisional tide of how to solve the problem. In Richmond, the General Assembly is pondering legislation to restrict illegal aliens from gaining access to state universities, urging law enforcement detention centers to confirm the immigration status of detainees and targeting those who hire undocumented workers.
noVa citizens have formed anti-illegal immigration groups that specifically target stree vending.
This past December, the Virginia State Crime Commission called upon Gov. Tim Kaine to pursue federal training for Virginia State police officers for enforcing immigration laws with Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials. Then there are the citizen groups urging their communities to enforce laws effectively. The groups believe illegal immigrants drain human services, or threaten public safety. For example, Fairfax County Sheriff’s Office spends upward of $4 million in detaining and housing undocumented workers. According to some groups, residential overcrowding and unlicensed street vending pose health threats.
Among those embittered are the legal immigrants. Theirs is a growing voice of opposition against those immigrants who did not lawfully enter the country or properly seek legal naturalization. Steve DeBenedittis, Herndon mayor and chairman of Coalition on Illegal Aliens, heard the cries from some of his immigrant constituents during his campaign in 2005 and confirmed the discontent in a recent Northern Virginia Magazine interview.
But these legal immigrants are still cautious in speaking out for concern of reprisal. Miguel Ramirez and Mary Paisley, who asked that their real names not be used, are two such examples. There are no backing statistics available in the legal immigrants’ community, but anecdotal evidence indicates that those legals who are better educated and economically stable are opposed to the illegals.
“I came here in 1982 and have worked hard,” said Ramirez, 55, a Prince William County small businessman who came through Florida from Ecuador with his brother. “We got a visa to come here and found sponsorship. We worked everything, we saved our money. We came to Virginia because we love this country and wanted to be near its heart.” Ramirez beamed with pride as he talked about marrying and then raising “American children.”
But he is frustrated by the public reaction to his non-native status, pointing to what he considers a flaw in the U.S. visa system. “It’s wrong that I get grouped with those [who are] illegal. If I can make it, they can do it. The border is not the problem. It’s when visas expire, these people don’t go home. They know the government has no way of tracking them. Come here on a visa and phff! They’re gone. You hide by staying in the open.”
Fairfax County resident Mary Paisley is a Chinese immigrant who came to the United States in 1990 under President George H. W. Bush’s Executive Order 12711, which deferred deportation of Chinese nationals and granted them temporary employment visas through 1993. Paisley was an engineering student when she fled China following the Tiananmen Square 1989 protests and continues to work in this area’s high-tech industry. She became a citizen in the mid-1990s, along with her husband, a British immigrant. She believes people have to take responsibility for their actions.
“They have to obey the laws,” Paisley said of the undocumented aliens. “We pay for them to be here. The solution is to stop them at the border and to punish the employers for hiring them.”
Miriam Aguilera came to the U.S. from Boliva in 1987. A former postal worker, she arrived in Fairfax County on a visa. In those days, there were no costs and no fuss to get one, she said. Without mastering the language or possessing other skills, she was limited as to what she could do for employment. Aguilera found herself hired as a live-in nanny for a couple in Potomac, Md. Through their sponsorship, she became a naturalized citizen in 2000. She has been married and divorced, and she has raised and supported two sons, one of whom is about to enter Old Dominion University in Norfolk.
“I was working, working, working for my family,” she said. “I’ve never been in trouble. I’ve always been straight with people, like police and DMV. I’m upset by the other people. I have heard stories how people come here, unsponsored, go to a lawyer [who takes] their money, and [is] never heard again. They say they are working and working, but no papers. They lose money, lose time. Some lawyers take $10,000.”
Aguilera referred to the lawyers who take advantage of undocumented individuals, allegedly able to scam money because the immigrants are scared, and there’s no one else to whom they can turn. “There are people who have been here too many years, but perhaps the government can check their records, and if they’re not a criminal they can get their papers. And if they’re bad people, they go back to their country.”
Many other interviewees said they were working and living in this country illegally. One woman contacted has been in the region illegally for 20 years. Like most interviewed, she came here on a visa and never secured sponsorship to stay, but never returned to her native country. And after Sept. 11, when the laws became more strict and backgrounds and paperwork more scrutinized, she didn’t believe she would ever be able to secure naturalization except through a general amnesty. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if she is ever caught.
Whether the legal immigrants will add new pressure against illegal aliens remains to be seen. But they are proving to be a silent minority finding a voice and adding its support toward effective immigration laws.
*Last name withheld for privacy.
(April 2008)
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
How the Immigration Debate Spurs Fear and Loathing in Northern Virginia
By Sarah Markel / Photography by Seth Freeman
Legislation proposals saturate local news. Day laborers tread carefully. Residents point fingers at immigrants, and immigrants point fingers at each other. Even naturalized citizens have lost their sense
of security.
German Matoya breathes into his coffee cup and glances nervously at the rain spilling from the green 7-Eleven awning. He shoves a hand into the pocket of his jeans and turns to let a blond woman squeeze past. Inside she speaks to the clerk and gestures toward the men huddled outside at what has become the unofficial job site for day laborers in Herndon. Overhead, a mechanical voice announces in English and Spanish that loitering will not be tolerated. As if to underscore the point, the blue lights of a police cruiser soon sweep the puddles of the parking lot.
Matoya shrugs and steps out into the rain. “Last time: jail. Fifteen minutes I was here, but they arrested me anyway,” he sighs, leading the way to a tree at a nearby Exxon station.
Matoya, 42, isn’t actually looking for work. He just finished a shift doing construction, but he stopped by to have coffee with a friend before heading home to his wife and son. The rest of the men under the tree are waiting for jobs. There won’t be any offers today. Not in this weather. Nonetheless they wait, drinking coffee from paper cups.
Over at the 7-Eleven, the woman emerges with her groceries, climbs into her car and drives away. The police move on. But the announcement continues on its loop, echoing the reminder that, for Matoya, means he is not welcome here.
He wonders what it will take in addition to 20 years in the United States, his wife, American-born child, backbreaking job and Lands’ End Polartech sweatshirt to boot. Despite all this, the idea that he can be arrested for drinking coffee scares him.
The scene is increasingly played out across the region. Locals complain about the rising tide of immigrant communities, the noise, the demand for social services, crime and social change. The immigrants seem genuinely bewildered by the hostility they engender and the laws being passed to manage the changes their arrival has wrought on the area.
Fear Itself
Lacking federal guidance, the tale is one of varying civil action on the local level. The Prince William Board of County Supervisors unanimously passed a resolution last year allowing police to check the immigration status of traffic violators. The Town of Herndon closed the Herndon Official Workers Center because the managing organization, Reston Interfaith, refused to verify the status of its workers. In Loudoun County, the Board of Supervisors recently increased fines for zoning violators as a way of curbing the massive rise in overcrowded homes.
Matoya isn’t the only one who feels apprehension. Residents feel it, too. One woman, Becky Brooks, who asked that her real name not be used because she fears reprisal from her neighbors, has watched her corner of Sterling Park change over recent years.
“It’s destroying my neighborhood,” Brooks says of the overcrowding she now sees in the homes where she once played as a child. “I’ve reported 40 houses for overcrowding.” Immigrants have moved in, bringing with them large families with accompanying numbers of vehicles. In some cases, boarders are coming and going at all hours. Brooks says the changes are affecting the resale value of her home, and she now can’t afford to sell. “I’m almost ready to give up and move,” she says sadly. “But I’d have to go to West Virginia.”
Zoning Enforcement
Keith Fairfax, Loudoun County’s head of zoning enforcement, has investigated many of Brooks’ complaints. Sixty percent of the reported zoning violations come from Sterling Park, where modest bungalows sell in the range of $300,000, and residents are frustrated with a perceived lack of enforcement.
The limitation Fairfax’s office faces is administrative. He has to give 48 hours notice of an impending inspection and then provide opportunity for correction. “We can only cite what we see. If we don’t get compliance we issue fines.” This is especially frustrating for Brooks, who says the number of parked cars and trucks makes her street impassable.
Fairfax and his inspector Juanita Turiello have been known to stake out the houses of repeat violators, but gathering evidence costs money, and with limited staff working 90 open cases, it is simply unfeasible to spend night after night sitting in a darkened car in Sterling Park. Instead Fairfax relies on community tips, and takes a honey-over-vinegar approach to educating immigrants about local zoning laws. “Not everyone intentionally violates the zoning ordinances,” he says.
Fairfax is hoping that recently approved fine increases will help. Sterling Park resident Alex Edan, a political refugee from Russia, thinks they aren’t high enough. “A meaningful increase needs to be in proportion to the value of the house,” he says, pointing to a house across the street that’s flanked by six cars.
Fewer Jobs
Fairfax wonders if the troubled housing market is behind the rise in the number of people taking in boarders. Some of the houses he visits are owned by investors who he suspects of renting out space to avoid foreclosure. But he can’t prove it. Certainly the slowdown has led to fewer construction jobs and a visible rise in the number of unemployed men standing around at makeshift labor sites.
Bill Threlkeld of Reston Interfaith agrees that ad hoc labor sites are not good. By having a controlled official site, however, with sign-in procedures and a code of conduct, Threlkeld argues that communities are spared the type of random loitering that now occurs at 7-Eleven on Alabama Drive.
“It wasn’t just a place to go for a job. It was a place to socialize, a meeting place, a place to learn,” says Threlkeld about the official day laborer site. “We never promised to solve the problem of immigration policy, but we did promise to solve the problems of too many workers squatting on private lands, to reduce nuisance crimes, trash, holding up traffic, urination, drinking in public. All of that we did.”
But it was the location of the Herndon Workers Center that eventually led to its demise. “The choice of the site left a lot to be desired,” says Aubrey Stokes, who lives on the border of Herndon and Loudoun Counties, a stone’s throw from the site. In 2004, he started speaking at town council meetings, where he found plenty of others who agreed with his perspective. Stokes co-founded Help Save Herndon, the citizen-action group credited with closing down the labor site and whose membership is booming.
“It mattered enough to me that I started cutting my teeth in advocacy,” says Stokes, who still has a full-time IT job and insists that his beef is only with illegal immigrants. “People blur the line between immigrants and illegal immigrants. That’s a red herring,” he says.
According to Stokes, the real problem “is unscrupulous businesses who hire illegals in place of U.S. citizens.” Threlkeld disagrees, pointing out the hiring records of the Herndon site. “Seventy percent of our employers were homeowners paying 10 dollars an hour.” Threlkeld says many of these homeowners complained about not being able to find contractors willing to take on such small, low-paying jobs.
Hard Work
Meanwhile, Hispanics say they feel bitter about getting little credit for doing the jobs no one else wants. Matoya gestures to a rain-soaked construction site beyond the gas station. “We do the hard work.”
Josephine, a naturalized U.S. citizen who, as a teenager, slipped over the Mexican border, takes the criticism personally. “Some Hispanics are using the tax money,” she says, referring to federally funded social programs many argue should not be made available to illegals. “But I am not. I am working hard.”
Now 49, Josephine pays the mortgage on a modest townhouse in the shadow of Dulles airport by working two minimum-wage jobs. She would have liked to be an accountant, but her ninth-grade education allows only for the deli at Harris Teeter and a custodial cart at the hospital.
“Who would do these jobs if we left?” wonders Josephine, who asked that only her first name be used because she believes her citizenship will be revoked if she speaks out.
Still, for all the fear, she doesn’t want to leave. Nor does Nancy Pereda. “I passed through many countries before coming to America,” says Pereda of her odyssey from Peru 14 years ago. She stopped here and there to rest, but America always was, and still is, her destination of choice.
“America gives to everybody a better life if you want to learn and you can work,” Pereda says, adding that, for her, the stumbling block has been English. “But I am studying,” she smiles.
Undue Deportation
Gunnery Sgt. Roberto Macoto, who came to Virginia from Honduras when he was 10, recently returned from three years overseas to find his mother, who speaks little English, fretting that she would be deported. Macoto, who was naturalized in the Marines, is furious “the Constitution that I have been fighting to defend is being used to threaten my mother.”
The insecurity isn’t just about deportation. Macoto, 33, says many immigrants fear the banks will take their money. In part he blames the Spanish-speaking media for spreading horror stories to people unable to verify them elsewhere. He tries to reassure his mother that he will take care of her, that she is legally protected in this country, but the distrust runs deep. His father was assassinated in Honduras when he was a child. In his mother’s experience, bad things can happen. And sometimes they do.
Since his return home, Macoto is most frustrated with this sense of fatalism. And perhaps because he straddles both sides of the fence he is more easily annoyed by the lack of unity in the Hispanic community: the internal mistrust that he thinks prevents members of the community from helping one another. Never in 15 years in the Marines, or even during his time at Wakefield High, did he receive the cold glances he now gets from other Hispanic men when he pulls his Mercedes into the parking lot of Pollo Loco.
Macoto points out that the contributions of children of immigrants are often overlooked. In his case, he became interested in the Marines when his mother worked as a cleaner for a retired officer. As he helped his mother work, Macoto absorbed as much as he could about American life. “I believed it,” he says, referring to patriotic descriptions in the books he found. When his mother’s employer gave him a silver eagle, he prized it as a symbol of his new country. “I didn’t think of myself as a Hispanic kid.”
When he hears of proposals that schools check the status of immigrant children, he shakes his head in dismay. “I think they are making a big mistake. We know they can learn. Use their talents instead.”
Resource Drain
Part of the concern for anti-immigration activists is a perceived drain on resources posed by immigrants and their children. In an era of budget shortfalls, every penny counts. For Lori Waters, Broad Run District Supervisor for Loudoun County, the issue is fairly clear cut. “We’ve reached a point,” she says, “where we have to decide fundamentally: Is the government going to facilitate the illegal presence of an individual, and are we going to use our tax dollars to do it?”
Andy Johnston, director of Loudoun Cares, takes a more pragmatic view. “There’s a public safety issue here. The community is better served by these people staying healthy, by the first-time mom getting prenatal care, by the baby being healthy.”
In Prince William County, federally funded charities are now required to check the status of supplicants. Within days of this resolution passing, a woman and her three children were turned away from a homeless shelter. “This is penny-wise and about a thousand pounds foolish,” sighs Johnston, who worries that he too will soon have to deny help to those who lack social security numbers.
Unlike many, Johnston doesn’t think racism is at the heart of this discontent. He sees it more as the dangerous byproduct of the changes taking place in the region. For this he places the blame firmly in the hands of the federal government.
“I do believe our federal government has let us down. You end up with local jurisdictions doing patchwork measures, and we have the potential to see an upsurge in racism,” Johnston says. “Now that scares me.”
(March 2008)
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
Coping with Deployment in Northern Virginia
By Sarah Markel / Photography by Jonathan Timmes
At Dulles Airport, Christine Vance (center) welcomes home her husband, Sgt. Ronald Vance, with her five children.
Half of Christine Vance’s heart is in Iraq. The other half bounces on the sofa as the rain sobs against the window panes. Vance, 33, chases the vacuum over a patch of Saltine crumbs. “This is the craziest thing I have ever been through,” she gasps as she parks the Hoover. Three small children collapse in laughter over her shoulders.
And this is a quiet day in the Vance household; the two older children are not at home.
Vance is nearing the end of her husband’s 15-month deployment. Sgt. Ronald Vance is due home sometime this month, although she doesn’t know exactly when. Until then, her days and nights dissolve into endless rounds of cooking, diapering and cleaning. The children follow her everywhere, even to the bathroom. And though she describes them as her chief comfort, she hikes through most days in a haze of nervous exhaustion.
This Veteran’s Day, the Pentagon reports that slightly more than 5,000 people claiming Virginia, Maryland and the District as home are currently deployed to combat zones. This figure includes those in active duty, National Guard troops and reservists. It does not, however, include soldiers from other states who live and work in the region at the times of their deployments. When these soldiers go to war, they leave behind families whose daily sacrifices, struggles with anxiety, loneliness and continuous childcare are compounded by the transient nature and frenetic pace of suburban life.
With the exception of a National Guard unit in Leesburg and D Company of the Old Guard at Fort Meyer, most soldiers in this area are deployed as individuals. They leave their families behind with less emotional and logistical support than they would have from a large installation. Sgt. Vance is a full-time soldier in the National Guard. Originally from Florida, he is officially stationed at Fort Belvoir, but was deployed to Iraq with the Utah National Guard. “He loves the Army,” his wife says.
Professor Michelle Kelley, a psychologist at Old Dominion University and an expert on military families, points out that in communities with a higher concentration of military “there’s a lot of positive attention given to military families in the form of news, parades, homecoming celebrations, concerts and even job assistance.” In Northern Virginia, by contrast, where the military installations are smaller and geographically dispersed, that support is harder to perceive.
Official Family Readiness Programs, training and mutual reinforcement programs set up with the aim of promoting self-reliance and preparing families for periods of separation, do exist in Northern Virginia, but they tend to be fragmented and often inconvenient. Representatives of Army Community Services at both Fort Myer and Fort Belvoir say they struggle to get the word out about the resources they offer. There are also online programs with varying degrees of usefulness.
Hearts Apart, a support group for coping with deployment-related stress, meets once a month at Fort Belvoir. For a core group of attendees undaunted by the evening traffic on Interstate 95, Hearts Apart is a godsend. For most it is just a bridge too far.
Welcome Distractions
According to many deployed families, what is missing in this region is the network of informal help that a person would receive in an area where everyone is in the same boat. Though Vance lives in military housing, she is essentially going through this experience alone. Kelley notes that when a unit is deployed or a ship sails, “often the wives will come together to support one another. They might plan outings, hold regular meetings, and they also do things for one another, such as baby-sitting.”
Vance’s neighbors help out when they can. But their lives are busy. Most of them have jobs. In fact, the National Military Family Association reports that 60 percent of military spouses work outside the home. Teen babysitters are hard to come by, and Vance can’t afford day care. She accepts help when she can get it, but most of the time she takes all the kids with her everywhere she goes. Haircuts and doctor appointments don’t happen.
On the other hand, the general business of life here is a welcome diversion from the constant anxiety. Vance is president of the Fort Belvoir Enlisted Spouses Club. Her volunteer work keeps her mind off the instant message she expects from Iraq every afternoon. Although sometimes it doesn’t arrive, and there isn’t much that can ease that strain.
Other times the distractions of suburban life can be too much. Without her husband to take the kids off her hands, she has a hard time staying on top of the housework. In fact, this is the thing that depresses her most. Her mother managed to put homemade meals on the table every night, so “I hold myself to that standard,” Vance says, gloomily surveying the half-packed boxes that line her living room.
Some of the clutter is preparation for an upcoming move to Fort Polk, La., after her husband returns from Iraq. Most of the boxes, though, contain the remnants of a charity collection she organized to help another family. But with five kids, it’s hard to get anything cleared away or finished. Plus she’s tired.
No Milk
Vance takes exception to the notion that possibly she’s the one who needs help. “I’m not the only one who has needs,” she shrugs. Yet there have been times during her personal battle with self-pity that even she has had to accept assistance.
When a finance error reduced Sgt. Vance’s pay from a little more than $3000 per month to about $200, his wife assumed the problem was temporary, although she does privately admit, “I was stressed out to the max!”
She can laugh now, but four months passed before the family was able to correct the error, by which time they were nearly destitute. Vance struggled to deflect bill collectors. At one point, the kids had to go without milk for two weeks.
“Sometimes,” Kelley says, “people don’t want to draw negative attention to the family for fear that it will reflect poorly on the soldier.”
Vance can’t explain why she didn’t seek help.
When a ranking noncommissioned officer at Fort Belvoir noticed her filling her cart with “cheap food like ramen and 25-cent burritos,” the gift baskets began to arrive. Meanwhile she stayed busy organizing a holiday gift drive for another family.
“It kept me sane,” she explains, glancing out the window.
Unlike more experienced military wives, Monique Rizer did not have the experience to know how to cope with deployment.
Five Hundred Days and Nights
Yet for all this, Vance is better prepared than some whose spouses are deployed from this region. For Monique Rizer, the wife of a D.C. attorney who was unexpectedly sent to Iraq with the Army Reserve in 2005, one of the greatest challenges was adjusting to the life of a military spouse. “I was quite uneducated about active duty life, never mind a deployment,” she says.
Kelley points out that young families like the Rizers, with small children, no military experience and no extended family nearby also facing their first deployment, have it particularly rough.
Plus the Rizer family was new to the area when, shortly after moving into their Alexandria townhouse, Arthur Rizer got orders for Iraq. His Army Reserve unit back in Pennsylvania was heading overseas.
Eventually, Capt. Rizer would spend a year in Fallujah working with a Military Transition Team. Monique Rizer, now 30, found herself alone with two small children. “I knew five people within a 300-mile radius,” she says.
Returning to Pennsylvania seemed an unlikely option. She considered moving to Seattle to be near her family, but ultimately decided “it was more important to stay here.” Before he left, her husband knocked at the townhouse next door. He wanted to introduce himself to the neighbors and to ask if they could mow his lawn for a year.
The deployment started badly. Capt. Rizer’s convoy was hit by an improvised explosive device shortly after his arrival in Iraq, and he suffered a third-degree concussion. He telephoned his wife to let her know he was OK, but it took four days for the official notification of his injury to reach her. By then she assumed he had been injured again and, with no way of reaching him and no one to call, she could only wait.
“His reserve unit had not deployed since World War II,” she explains. “There was no formal process for notification.”
Seventeen percent of those surveyed by NMFA reported no family support during their loved ones’ deployments. Rizer knew she needed to build her own network of assistance. She poured herself into creating an online Family Readiness Group. She spent long nights after the kids were asleep emailing other soldiers’ wives spread up and down the East Coast. It was a slow process. There were no formal means of collecting the contact information for the families. Her husband tried to spread the word among his troops, but they had other worries by then.
Asher and Gabriel Rizer learn how to adjust to a new area and, temporarily, life without Dad in the house.
Battle Buddies
Capt. Rizer was, however, able to put Monique in touch with her first local friend. Shannon Duckworth’s husband was deployed with Rizer’s. She became Rizer’s chief support, her “battle buddy,” as they refer to one another. The two provided each other with companionship, babysitting and news. Upon meeting, their connection was instant, and as the word from Iraq became more upsetting (“I thought he was just training the Iraqi Army,” Rizer says), they kept one another afloat.
Both Rizer and Vance agree that one of the most difficult aspects of the deployment experience is managing the toll stress can take on one’s health. Rizer was constantly sick, and the condition fueled more anxieties about who would care for her children. She developed tics, headaches and insomnia. She obsessed over bird flu and whether her husband had enough life insurance. “The whole world felt out of order to me,” she says. “I was in panic mode all the time.”
Kelley describes this state of being as “almost a normative response to a very difficult situation” and something she sees a lot in her research. After she found a babysitter, Rizer sought counseling to help manage the stress, but she refused the offer of anti-depressants.
In all Rizer spent 15 months inside the belly of the beast. She emerged, she says, more aware of her limitations and with an appreciation for what military families endure. She recently testified before the U.S. Senate on the issue. The deployment changed her in other ways, too. She has embarked on a career as a writer. She appreciates the respect surrounding her husband’s Purple Heart.
“But,” she adds softly, “I would like to go back to a time before the nightmares.”
One More Time
“I think, generally speaking,” Kelley suggests, “the career military have it better. They’ve got it down. Even though things can come up, they have experience and perspective.”
Yet even for soldiers like Col. Darrell Wilson, who has two major deployments and 20 years of service behind him, it isn’t easy. At 42, Wilson never expected he would be sent to Afghanistan. He became eligible for retirement last year and could have moved to his vineyard in California. Instead he opted to stay in the Army long enough for two of his daughters to graduate high school in Springfield.
The worst part for Wilson is leaving these teenagers. “I know there is no great time to go, but the finality of it bothers me,” he says. By the time he returns in 2009, two of the three will be adults.
A source familiar with Wilson’s tasking explained that his chances of deployment had indeed been very slim, but an unexpected request came in for an infantry officer of a particular rank and background to advise the Afghan Army. He could have refused. “But I didn’t give that much credence,” he sighs. “That is not how I wanted to end my career in the service.”
Driving On
Jeanene, Wilson’s wife of 20 years, knows that deployment stress is something to be managed. Like Vance, she refuses to engage in self-pity. “We will all survive this,” she insists stoically.
Like Rizer, she understands the need for a strong support system. “I don’t see a real network here,” she says, adding, “I have a couple of good friends in the area already.” At her request, one has moved in to help her with the kids and the house.
Only time will tell how they manage their longest deployment yet. Wilson and her daughters face two Christmases without their soldier. For now they are not staring too deeply into the abyss that has opened up in their lives. Before he left, Col. Wilson characteristically joked, “If you don’t think on it too much, it doesn’t really hurt.”
His wife puts it another way: “All you can do is suck it up … and drive on.”
(November 2007)
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
Traveling with Seniors
By Renee Sklarew
One Fairfax family has a new custom; they travel with three generations of kin. Kusum and Nirankar Singh, owners of the Bombay Palace restaurant on K Street in Washington, D.C., embarked on a three-country European cruise on Celebrity Cruise Line last summer with their extended family.
Courtesy of Navin Singh MD
The Singhs booked close-by cabins to accommodate two sons, a daughter-in-law and their 2-year-old grandson. The Singh’s in-laws joined them, bringing along their children and cousins.
Every evening, dining was a family affair. During the days, different groups selected different excursions. For example, while docked in Naples, one group climbed Mount Vesuvius, while the other toured Capri. They had many choices, including a well-run kids program for their grandchild. Warmly recalling this elaborate trip, Kusum Singh, 59, explained why they travel as a family whenever possible. “At home our children are so busy in their world. On vacation, everyone is interacting together, doing fun things. There is very good communication. You come with a free mind and are able to fully concentrate on each other.” Singh added, “There is so much pleasure being with your grandchildren. You have more patience with them and not so many responsibilities now, the way you did when you were younger and struggling.”
The Singh family makes a point of regularly planning trips together. “I love it!” exclaimed Nirankar Singh. “I am more in the mood to do fun things with youngsters; do what they are doing. It is the biggest joy seeing my grandson, my sons and daughter-in-law enjoying one another.”
Singh explained that when she and her husband first came to America, they had no money or time to travel while they grew their business. Now they are making up for it. The Singhs’ son, Navin Singh, a doctor and owner of a cosmetic surgery center, agreed.
“By spending time with the younger generation, the family has gotten more adventurous. They have gone parasailing, kayaking and paddle-boating. The grandparents are living vicariously with the grandchild.”
Tips and Trends for the Traveling Senior
By Renee Sklarew
GrandTravel Paves the Way for Togetherness
Helena Koenig, 77, feels strongly about spending leisure time with her family, and she recognized the learning opportunities for grandparents traveling with their grandchildren. Koenig founded a touring company in 1987, calling it Grandtravel. It was one of the first travel agencies to serve this match.
Koenig, who teaches at Northern Virginia Community College, started the company 20 years ago when she became a grandmother. She said that traveling with grandchildren allows grandparents to “transmit their cultural inheritance to their grandchildren.”
“Travel is our best hope for a peaceful world and the chance to learn that we are all different, but the same,” Koenig said.
Grandtravel’s website, www.grandtrvl.com, lists several dream vacations exclusively for grandparents and grandchildren. Grandtravel is based in Washington, D.C. and uniquely offers trips only during school holidays. Like many tour companies, it sponsors international trips to the Galapagos Islands and Africa, but for seniors and children only.
“No parents are allowed. Currently, the most popular trips are to Alaska and Italy, but many choose to go where the family is from, like Ireland,” Koenig said.
For more budget-conscious trips, investigate the non-profit Elderhostel system, which welcomes seniors toting their grandchildren along. Elderhostel lists dozens of imaginative grandparent/grandchild touring opportunities throughout the United States and abroad. On these adventurous mini-vacations, generations explore various topics, such as zoology, religious heritage, geology and Native American culture. After researching Elderhostel programs, lifelong learners may eagerly recruit their grandkids to join them.
Hot Trend in Travel: Intergenerational Trips
One of the hottest trends in the tourism business is the intergenerational excursion. Intergenerational refers to events involving or affecting people of two or more generations. Although Grandtravel markets to the grandparents and children only, most of the travel industry recognizes the value in marketing to families.
The tour business recognizes different generations of families want to travel together, so they are learning to cater to those customers. Cruises designed to please all ages are multiplying. Families on the road, seeking comfortable accommodations, choose hotels such as Marriott’s Residence Inn. These hotels offer a variety of sleeping arrangements and kitchen facilities. Tour companies like Smithsonian Journeys, college alumni groups and Tauck Bridges dedicate divisions to family travel. The Cruise Line Industry research shows currently, only one in four passengers is a retiree.
Generations Touring Co. encourages families to bring travelers of all ages, especially adults traveling with the elderly who are still physically able. Currently, Generations Touring Co. features a “Kintrip” and “Volun-Tour” programs. Young travelers and their chaperones will discover excellent advice from the Kid’s Travel postings at www.GenerationsTouringCompany.com.
Inclusive resorts at dude ranches, Caribbean islands or ski lodges offer optimal situations for families with a variety of interests and needs. While relaxing in one location for several days, tourists enjoy a variety of activities; usually kids clubs, evening entertainment and even fitness or spa programs for boredom-prone teens. Generations gather for meals or sightseeing. Often, there are babysitting services for adult evenings out.
A visit to the Internet uncovers dozens of family vacation ideas. AARP Passport is great resource for travel advice. Environmental groups, including the Sierra Club, design outings in nature’s most beautiful locations. Upscale trips, like Rascals In Paradise feature exotic locales like Fiji and Peru for families who love scuba diving. Ponder the Family Hostel programs, like their 10-day learning tour of Europe. Consider a family fishing expedition in the Chesapeake Bay or Florida. For details, check out www.takemefishing.org. Think of something you love to do, and chances are there are tourist services ready to help you plan it.
Safeguarding Your Vacation
Many experienced travelers subscribe to AAA to receive travel information and discounts. AAA has comprehensive services ranging from planning a vacation for the family to helping with travel insurance. When planning for expensive vacations, it makes sense to pay for travel insurance. Between unexpected illness and surprise scheduling conflicts, travel insurance can save you thousands after you’ve paid up front to reserve your accommodations.
Make it a Magical Gathering
A perennial favorite for grandparents with children (and parents, too) are the Disney Parks. Disney resorts attempt to please discriminating travelers, and they cater to kids better than any locale.
Younger children, who aren’t ready for long hikes or city traffic, will find all the stimulation they need. Disney is mindful of people with disabilities, and the Parks are designed to accommodate strollers. Their website advertises a “Magical Gathering” program for family reunions. To avoid the inevitable crowds, Disney Cruises are another option for multiple generations; you still meet the characters, see the shows and enjoy that Disney hospitality. The cruises are growing in popularity, as they voyage to the Mediterranean, Caribbean and Mexican Riviera. Now Disney has expanded into touring; www.adventuredisney.com has destinations throughout the world.
Close to Home but Worlds Away
For driving distance vacations, luxury resorts such as Nemacolin Woodlands in Pennsylvania, the Homestead in Virginia, and Greenbrier Resort in West Virginia are geared toward accommodating everyone, from golfers to toddlers. All three resorts furnish families’ time to play together in warm pools, dine in a variety of restaurants and explore new hobbies.
These upscale village hotels offer children’s clubs and baby-sitting. They have specialty activities; like Nemacolin’s cooking classes, horseback riding, rope climbing and seasonal sports. The Homestead boasts “learning made fun” with literary courses and biology studies, or for less intellectual pursuits, bowling and ice skating. The Greenbrier features a “creative curriculum” that includes entertainment like puppet shows and carriage rides.
Spirited families might enjoy traveling in a recreational vehicle, offering freedom to stop whenever and wherever they want. They always have a place to sleep and cook. RV rentals range in cost and rental time. Another guaranteed hit for families are the local beach towns. Gatherings are simple to organize in the DelMarva Peninsula or the Outer Banks. Just rent a house, or ask for a group rate at a motel, and voila, you have a family getaway full of sun, fun and multiple bathrooms!
Finding a Bargain
The USA Today website publishes the top five bargain destinations like Whistler, Canada or Philadelphia and observes that baby boomers receive less discounting today than in the past.
Many Colorado ski resorts elevated the “70s ski free” policy to 80 years old. The best bargains are off-season travel, and most retirees have that option. School-age children may be unable to accompany them, but younger children and graduates can often join in anytime.
Kevin Geiger, 21, of Reston, enjoyed traveling to Alaska with his parents and grandparents a few years ago. “My twin brother and I were teenagers. It was tremendous fun. I love being with my grandparents, and my grandfather is like a second father to me. Having them around gave me an out. I could ask them anything.” Grandparents are known to indulge grandkids.
Wherever you plan to go, make sure you prepare yourself and the children. Research and explain to your family what to expect. Read about your destination or search the Internet. Putting a camera in hand quiets the most active child. Make sure you’re carrying the needed items, such as water, snacks, books, and pencil and paper for restaurant waits. Fortunately, grandchildren usually behave better with you than their own parents.
Sharp as a Tack
New Ways to Boost Your Brainpower
By Apryl Chapman Thomas
Do you make up your own words to favorite songs? While others may laugh at your inventions, you are actually helping yourself. According to Philadelphia-based creativity and innovation coach, Jen Groover, this simple technique can boost your brainpower by challenging your brain to think of new words, and thus help you improve your memory.
“Your brain is a muscle, and like other muscles, it is important for it to get exercise,” said Groover. “If you do things the same way all the time, your brain will go on autopilot. To stay sharp, you should constantly [challenge] this muscle to expand and grow.”
The good news is that it is never too late to sharpen your memory as you age. Nancy D. O’Reilly, clinical psychologist and author of “You Can’t Scare Me: Courageous Women Speak About Growing Older in a Youth Oriented Society,” offers some activities on how to improve your memory and keep your brain active.
Be Creative
O’Reilly recommended picking up paintbrushes or visiting an art museum. “With art, you can use all of your senses to help increase and improve your memory.”
Traveling is also perfect for stimulating your memory. O’Reilly stressed that the key is to expose yourself to new experiences, which in turn, can enhance your memory.
Think Positive
A positive attitude can go a long way, according O’Reilly.
“Make it one of your daily goals to build on and improve your memory. Write it down on your ‘to do’ list. Learn to focus, attend, remember and repeat. After all, practice makes perfect.”
Exercise Your Cranium
In addition to card games, she suggested learning new words and meanings. “Not only will you wow yourself, but you’ll wow friends and family with your vocabulary.”
Good Nutrition Through the Ages
By Apryl Chapman Thomas
As your body changes, so do your nutritional needs. What you consumed when you were younger might not be appropriate for your diet now. According to Elizabeth Somer, M.A., R.D. and author of several books including “Age-Proof Your Body,” after 50, your metabolism slows down, so it is important to back up on calories.
“To live long and healthy, focus on real foods, not processed foods that are high in calories, salt and sugar,” she offered. “Keep the foods close to their natural state as possible.”
If you haven’t been eating as healthy as you should, you can make changes to your diet with the following steps.
Know
Your Fats When it comes to nutrition, not all fats are created equal. While the phrase “good fats” reads like an oxymoron, these fats are healthy for you. You just have to learn the difference.
“Get saturated fats out of your diet,” Somer urged. Aim for the healthy fats, such as fish oil and omega-3, which studies have shown can lower the risk of heart disease, lessen the risk of depression and memory loss, and may reduce risk for arthritis.
She recommends eating at least two to three servings of fatty fish, such as salmon, weekly.
“You can also look for products that have DHA, which is a potent omega-3 fat that is found in soy milk. Other omega-3 rich foods include flaxseeds and walnuts,” Somer added.
Add Color to Your Plate
Somer tells her clients that they should consume two fruits and vegetables at every meal.
“Think mangoes, kiwis, carrots, broccoli and berries,” she said. “The darker the color pigment, the better. Research is starting to show that people who eat more of the darker colored fruits and vegetables have the lowest risk for aging disease. They also maintain a more desirable weight and think more clearly.”
Go for Whole Grain
Don’t be fooled by 100-percent whole wheat bread, commented Somer. “It’s just white bread dressed up. Make sure the bread reads 100-percent whole grain.”
Somer said that whole grains have shown to lower risk of weight gain and diabetes. Other good sources of whole grains include oatmeal and instant brown rice.
Be Lean with the Meat
You don’t have to give up meat, she said. Instead, make it more of a condiment than the focus of the dish.
“Switch to a bean dish, using black beans or lentils. Beans can help lower risk for heart disease.”
(August 2007)
Posted by The Editorial Desk / Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
An Adoption Story
By Amy Petty
The Pettys / Jodie McBride/Fresh Photography
The next logical step came in locking down my better half in the idea. With that done, we threw caution to the wind and birth control in the trash. After a lot of action, ovulation kits and the hot flash inducing fertility drug Clomid, we simply weren’t getting pregnant. And let’s just say my emotions were swirling with hurricane force winds.
One thing you learn in the quest for a family is everyone has a different threshhold for what’s right for them. No one path is exactly right for everyone, but ours was right for us. Our decision was to bypass in vitro and pursue adoption, foreign adoption to be specific. With friends who had successfully adopted from Russia, we chose to follow their paths.
With the help and guidance of our social worker, Barbara Slaton of Forever Families Adoption in Warrenton, and our agency, A Loving Choice, our journey was officially beginning.
First came the paperwork, then came the waiting. When you’re impatient (me), waiting is impossible. When you are maddeningly patient (my husband), you enjoy your last few months of social freedom without needing a babysitter. We had asked to adopt two children, so it seemed that double the paperwork meant double the waiting.
Glenn & Toly / Courtesy of Amy Petty
Then the big day came on May 4, 2006. I received an email at work titled “Here they are!” with pictures of our soon-to-be daughter and son (called a referral in the adoption world). After forwarding the email to Glenn, we were on the phone as we opened them at the same time. After waiting and waiting, once the prospective parents receive their referral, the wheels start to spin at breakneck speed. We left two weeks later for Ulyanovsk, Russia, to meet Galina and Toly.
We arrived in Ulyanovsk, and though Glenn and I have both traveled internationally, the sights and smells were considerably unfamiliar. Our facilitator for the trip, Lena, would be our guide through the process. She would also become our friend.
Our first trip to the orphanage to meet the children was a roller coaster of emotions. Every family must take donations to the orphanage, and I imagine most do so gladly. Handing these off is the first item of business, and we were no different. The minutes passed like hours as we waited for our van driver to leave the orphanage’s main building and go to meet the children. When we finally were driven to our daughter’s building—the orphanage is a sprawling campus of buildings based on children’s ages—we nervously walked to her room trying to spot her. She was in the arms of a caregiver who told her that here were her mama and papa. Galina ran to me, jumped in my arms, hugging me tightly saying, “Mama, mama!” The same scene happened for Glenn. All of our concerns about bonding flew out the window. I don’t know if either of us had ever felt so loved or needed before that moment.
After an all too brief visit with Galina, we went to meet Toly. At two, he was a little wary of these two big English speaking people coming to see him. But after a little time together, he sat in my lap. He was so tiny, so sweet. And he was about to be ours.
The first visit with the kids flew by in a flash, with lots of playing and getting to know one another. Through Lena’s translation, Galina asked us if she was going to get to fly on an airplane and go to school. At five years old, she definitely knew what was about to happen; however, Russia requires two visits for adoption. We had to leave them behind, while we came back to Virginia to ready their rooms and wait for word from the Russian judge that it was time to bring them home.
Photography by Jennifer Giglio
Seven weeks after our first trip to Ulyanovsk, we were back on a plane for a longer trip to finalize the adoption. We were so anxious to go back to see the kids, and we weren’t the only ones. Galina was so excited for our return that her voice was somewhere between laughing and crying. She wanted to know what took us so long. Toly had to warm up to us again, but soon was crying everytime we had to leave him. After a few days of paperwork and visiting the orphanage twice a day, we had our court appearance. Though we had heard accounts of being in a Russian courtroom, it was still nerve-wracking. A translator whispered the proceedings as they went along, then Glenn and I both were asked questions separately by the judge. It was a very serious environment. Once the adoption was finalized, though, emotions of happiness began to spread through the courtroom as the judge and court-appointed attorneys clamored to see video of the children. We seemed to be in our own “feel good hit of the season.”
We went to the orphanage to get the children and take them on the journey to the U.S. Not a dry eye in Galina’s room as the caregivers said goodbye to her, and we watched them let go a little girl they obviously had come to love very much. Toly was too little for all the clothes we had for him, but he was excited nonetheless. As we left the orphanage, we wondered the fate of the other children left behind. Onward to Moscow for a trip to the U.S. Embassy to get final papers for our trip home. Galina thought her new home was the Marriott Grand where we stayed, but we had to explain that an indoor pool and room service weren’t exactly part of her new everyday life. Glenn’s brother Joel lives in St. Petersburg, so he and his wife Yana guided us through Red Square, the Pushkin Museum, and more. After an incredibly long trip home, my parents me us at the Manassas Airport at 3:30 a.m. Seeing them hug the children was a dream come true. On July 13, 2004, we were home.
Fast forward three years. Anna Galina and Toly are the children we had dreamed of having. Glenn and I could never imagine our lives without them. Though we weren’t there for their births, we’re going to be there for everything else. We’re mommy and daddy, and it’s just as great as we thought it would be. We’re a normal family who just had a very different beginning.
A Note From Mommy
Before and after our referral, when worrying seemed the most productive thing to do, I read everything I could find about the health of internationally adopted children. Because Russia has a high rate of alcoholism, fetal alcohol syndrome is one of the real risks adoptive parents take. Other problems can include attachment disorders that make bonding with adoptive parents incredibly difficult for the adopted child. Whether having a child biologically or adopting domestically or internationally, health risks are something all parents face. We have been very fortunate in that our children are incredibly healthy. Some adoptive parents aren’t so lucky. Make sure you are well informed of the risks and how to treat and work with issues specific to adoption.
A Home of Their Own
Older Children Want Adoptive Families, Too.
By Sarah Hamaker
After raising seven boys of their own—four biological children and three Asian refugees of whom they had permanent custody—Allen and Debbie White were ready for a girl. A television program about adopting older children caught their eye and they got in touch with United Methodist Family Services about adopting a daughter. At a match party that brought together prospective parents with adoptable children, the Whites met a 14-year-old boy who changed their lives.
“After seven boys, I kind of wanted a girl, but this boy came up to me and my husband,” says White. “Then we realized he was part of a sibling group of four half-brothers ages 8, 9, 11 and 14. The teenager thought no one would want to adopt him, so he had asked not to be identified as part of the sibling group. That did it for us. We adopted all four boys two years ago.
“These kids deserve a family, too. I can’t imagine what it would be like to grow up without a home and parents.”
A Need for Families
About 25 percent of the total number of Virginia children in foster care with the goal of adoption reside in the Northern Virginia area, according to the state’s Department of Social Services (DSS). As of August 2006, of the 444 children in foster care in Northern Virginia with the goal of adoption, the DSS reports that 181 are age 10 and older.
“All children who enter foster care could possibly become eligible for adoption because of a federal law that says once children come into foster care, if we can’t return those children home within 22 months, then we’ve got to look for another goal for them,” says Pamela Fitzgerald Cooper, DSS adoption supervisor in Richmond. “Our first goal is to return the child home to his or her parents, but if that’s not possible, then the next goal is to place the child for adoption.” Older children become eligible for adoption for a number of reasons, such as the parents being unable to care for them, usually because of drug use or incarceration, or parental abuse or neglect of the child. For children age 9 and older, finding adoptive parents can be a challenge.
“I think there’s still a perception that many people have that older children are set in their personalities and values, and cannot change,” says Cooper. “That’s not correct—it’s a myth. But there’s still a perception that younger children will adapt better than older children. There’s no evidence that says younger adopted children are going to do better than older children.”
This persistent misconception hinders families from considering older children. “Most people who think about adoption, think about babies,” says Susan Punnett, director of Weekend Miracles for KidSave in Washington, D.C. The Weekend Miracles program pairs older children waiting for adoptive parents with families either considering adoption or willing to help a child find an adoptive family for a series of weekend visits. “Older children are perceived to have overwhelming issues, and that, coupled with the general anxiety parents have about adolescents, make it difficult to find adoptive parents,” says Punnett.
“People are often concerned about older children having their personality patterns crystallized by the time of the adoption,” says Gloria Hochman, director of communications for the National Adoption Center in Philadelphia. “But that doesn’t mean older children will not make great additions to your family.”
A Rewarding Experience
Adopting an older child can enrich the adoptive parents’ lives, adoption experts say. “You can make a dramatic difference in the way teenagers grow up,” says Hochman. “For most teenagers, adoption is their last chance to change the way they will live their life. Remember, many teenagers really want a family because a family goes beyond the age of 18.”
“Families who adopt older children find they can help that child to develop, to cope with the issues they’ve been through and to overcome those issues,” says Cooper. “We know that children of all ages are very resilient if they get the type of support and services they need.”
For the right families, adopting older children brings its own special rewards. “For example, the opportunity to see a child blossom and grow under the care, nurturing and permanence he gets with an adoptive family is wonderful,” says Punnett.
A Match Made in Heaven
What makes it harder for older kids to find permanent homes is getting the word out about the need. KidSave and the National Adoption Center work with state social services to identify and match older children with prospective families. KidSave’s Weekend Miracles program, which started in February 2006, works with Washington, D.C.’s child welfare agency to find children age 12 and older who need an adoptive home. “By late summer, we just finished training our first group of host families—who receive the same instruction as foster parents—and already have 20 kids to place with those families,” says Punnett. Weekend Miracles continuously trains families to participate in the program and has committed to working with 40 children a year. The National Adoption Center hosts local match parties designed to bring prospective families together with adoptable children. The center helped to develop several websites designed to facilitate the adoption of older children across the country. The center also runs a website called Wednesday’s Child for the Freddie Mac Foundation in five metro markets, including Washington, D.C. Every Wednesday, WNBC4 features a local older child eligible for adoption. The featured children’s photos and descriptions are placed online, too. “We found in Philadelphia, that 42 percent of the children featured on Wednesday’s Child found adoptive parents,” says Hochman. “Since the center started in 1972, we have facilitated the placement of 20,000 children.”
Family Life
Two years later, the Whites are still gung ho about adopting older children. “The oldest one has a job now,” says Debbie White. “They are doing so well in school and all play sports. It’s been such a rewarding thing to watch them blossom and grow.”
“We’re very eager to move these children into families as quickly as possible. Time is growing short for them,” says Hochman. “No one should go through life without a family.”
So You Want to Adopt
Adopting an older child is no different from adopting a younger child or infant. Most adoptions of older children take about nine to 12 months from initial contact to finding a child.
During this process, Gloria Hochman, director of communications for the National Adoption Center in Philadelphia, recommends getting as much information on the child’s past as possible. “Learn what the issues are for the child and what the child feels about rejection, if he or she feels comfortable moving into a family,” she says.
The Steps To Take
1. Contact your local Department of Social Services. They should be able to refer you to an agency licensed to place children for adoption.
2. Take the agency’s orientation class to find out the procedures needed for adoption.
3. Get a home study done. This 90-day process includes a criminal background check, reference checks and a home evaluation, says Pamela Fitzgerald Cooper, Virginia Department of Social Services adoption supervisor in Richmond.
4. Find a child. Once a potential child is located, supervised visits between the child and family commence. These gradually become overnight stays and extended visits.
5. File court papers which will be needed to finalize the adoption.
Agency
Because of email, fax and overnight delivery, it’s not necessary to work with an agency in a close proximity to you; however, it can really easy the parents’ mind to meet with the representatives who will be responsible for referring a child for your family. Barbara Slaton of Forever Families Adoption Services suggests reaching out to other families who have adopted internationally so they can share their experiences with you. Also, ask any agencies you are considering to provide references. Below are some agencies located in the Northern Virginia area.
The Adoption Center of Washington, Inc.
100 Daingerfield Road, #101, Alexandria; 703-549-7774; www.adoptioncenter.com
Adoption Service Information Agency, Inc.
6800 Versar Center, Suite 312, Springfield; 703-642-2193; megans@asia-adopt.org
Adoptions Together
427-A Carlisle Drive, Herndon; 703-689-0404; www.adoptionstogether.org
America-World Adoption Association
6723 Whittier Avenue, Suite 202, McLean; 703-356-8447; www.awaa.org
Bethany Christian Services, Inc.
10378-B Democracy Lane, Fairfax; 703-385-5440; www.bethany.org
Cradle of Hope Adoption Center, Inc.
4084 University Drive, Suite 101, Fairfax; 703-352-4806; lindacradle@aol.com
The Datz Foundation, Inc.
311 Maple Avenue, West, Suite E, Vienna; 703-242-8800; www.datzfoundation.org
International Children’s Alliance, Inc.
12354 Dillingham Square, Woodbridge; 703-312-1123; www.adoptica.org
Jewish Social Service Agency, Inc., T/A Adoption Options
3018 Javier Road, Fairfax; 703-204-9592; www.jssa.org
O’Kane Adoptions
43901 Frugality Court, Ashburn; 703-615-2246; deb@tlaadoptions.com
Internet
The internet is a great place to get information about international adoption, depending on the sites you visit. There are news groups to talk about general facts, facts specific to your adoption situation, sites outlining health issues, and more. As with anything you read on the internet, make sure to double check the information you read. Listed below are just a few of the sites you may find helpful. Many have message boards where prospective and waiting parents chat back and forth about the issues specific to their situation.
www.achildwaits.org
A website that offers loans for adoption expenses.
www.calib.com/naic
The National Adoption Information Clearinghouse offers information relative
to all aspects of adoption.
www.travel.state.gov/adopt.html
This U.S. State Department site provides international adoption information and advisories.
www.adoptionclinic.org
The Inova International Adoption Center has health information relative to international adoption, as well as helpful links for potential and adoptive parents. The clinic provides specialized pre and post international adoption care.
www.hsc.virginia.edu/cmc
Dr. Mark Mendelsohn and Dr. Linda Waggoner-Fountain, of the University of Virginia
International Adoption Clinic, can be a great resource before or after adoption.
www.karensadoptionlinks.com
This site offers links to many Russian, Kazakh, Ukraine, and Eastern European adoption
sites, including helpful medical information and growth charts.
www.frua.org
Families of Russian and Ukranian Adoption offers information specific to Eastern
European adoption.
www.fwcc.org
Families with Children from China provides support for families who have already adopted from China, as well as information for prospective parents.
(March 2007)