Red Meat: Rock Harper

Posted by Warren Rojas / Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

What’s a reality TV-anointed cheflebrity to do once the camera’s glare has receded? Rahman “Rock” Harper now basks in the adoring gaze of aspiring culinary students:

(Image: Urszula Stern)

Having logged countless hours behind the burners at various high profile, local restaurants (B. Smith’s, Ben’s Next Door, The Carlyle Club), Harper now dedicates his time to academia–he currently shares his accrued hospitality knowledge with those enrolled at Stratford University–and his burgeoning cookbook catalog.

WR: Salt. Pepper. What other culinary elements could you not live without?

RH: Tough one but I would go with garlic. It is amazing in flavor and a little goes a long way so you don’t need much. I also love the fact that it is extremely healthy for you!

WR: What’s the very first dish you ever mastered? How long did it take? Do you still make it today?

RH: Don’t know if I have mastered anything, because it can all be improved. My fried chicken is pretty close to perfection though. Over 15 years I would guess. Absolutely!

WR: What seasonal ingredient(s) get your creative juices flowing?

RH: Peaches and tomatoes!

WR: My latest cookbook obsession is …

RH: “Hallelujah! The Welcome Table: A Lifetime of Memories with Recipes” from Dr. Maya Angelou. I’ve owned it for a while but after thumbing threw [sic] it the other day I am determined to cook everything in it! She speaks, teaches and writes with such passion and love; her cooking is just as amazing.

WR: What’s the most challenging dish you’ve ever attempted? Would you make it again?

RH: Foie gras torchon from Michael Mina’s book. Yes, I have and I got it, but it was challenging indeed.

WR: If I could the spend the day working alongside any local chef, I’d love to collaborate with …

RH: Wow, that’s tough. We’re a “top 5″ dining city in the country now! R.J. Cooper. I’ve had his amazing cooking before, but I would love to see how he executes Rogue24 from top to bottom.

WR: What’s the easiest/quickest–but still wholly satisfying–meal you make for yourself?

RH: Scrambled eggs, a sharp cheese, chives, summer tomatoes, on toasted wheat.

WR: In the next six months you won’t want to miss my …

RH: Next book! Rock Your Kitchen Rock Your Love Life: Building a Successful Relationship Through Passionate Cooking

WR: It’s quitting time. I’m pouring myself …

RH: Big and beautiful California cabernet

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Just so you know, chef, I’m totally stealing your breakfast of champions.

Come back next Tuesday for another helping of Red Meat.

–Warren

Cavallo Cuts Bait at Catch 52

Posted by Warren Rojas / Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

The Vintage Restaurant Group–the trade name of restaurateur Anthony Cavallo’s burgeoning hospitality empire–has officially pulled the plug on their seafood-centric experiment, Catch 52.

“We have discovered over the past few months that the seafood desired by our community was just as easily executed at Vintage 51, our ‘sister’ restaurant, located right next door,” V51 general manager Ty Allison said of the recent consolidation. According to Allison, V51 has already absorbed C52′s most popular menu items–beer battered fish and chips, calamari, fish tacos, snow crab legs–with more (oysters on the half shell) soon to follow.

“We will be relinquishing the lease,” Allison said of C52′s now-twice abandoned pad (if memory serves, a chain Italian joint failed there previously).

–Warren

Red Meat: Nathan Hatfield

Posted by Warren Rojas / Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

EatGoodFood Group‘s Nathan Hatfield can’t wait to help everyone get their hands dirty:

The Armstrongs’ go-to baker is excited about sharing his pastry knowledge with fellow cooking devotees at Society Fair, the bakery/gourmet grocery/epicurean playground/eatery–which, we have been assured, will feature a dedicated larder menu–slated to open later this fall.

WR: Butter. Sugar. What other culinary elements could you not live without?

NH: Flour–an ingredient that is so simple and unassuming [yet] has so much potential for flavor. With a little manipulation of time and temperature you can coax out sweet, nutty and floral notes that just aren’t there on a normal basis.

WR: What’s the very first dish you ever mastered? How long did it take? Do you still make it today?

NH: The first thing I ever mastered had to be my biscuits. It took me at least 40-50 attempts to get to the recipe that is forever burned into my brain. As a boy from the south, I kept trying to use lard as the fat in the recipe, but the taste was flat. Realized butter as they say, makes it better. And if you’re using Kerrygold it is even harder to fail. You have to use buttermilk and you have to be nice to the dough. I still make them at least twice a week, best right out of the oven.

WR: What seasonal ingredient(s) get your creative juices flowing?

NH: Corn and strawberries have to be the most exciting ingredients for me. When the corn starts coming I think cornbread, pancakes and puddings. As for strawberries, those little dark red strawberries that Bob (farmer) brings Restaurant Eve. They are so sweet and wonderful. Make jam, spread it on a warm biscuit, you just melt, it’s that good.

WR: My latest cookbook obsession is …

NH: Tartine Bread. This book is beautiful. The breads that they are producing are some of the best out there. It is very informative and great for the professional as well as the aspiring home baker. I’m also just a little jealous that he goes surfing in the morning before heading to the bakery!

WR: What’s the most challenging dish you’ve ever attempted? Would you make it again?

NH: Phyllo dough is the hardest thing I have ever attempted. You start with this piece of dough that is two inches thick and four inches square and then you have to proceed to stretch and coerce this dough into a sheet that is thin enough to read through. I try about once a month and have yet to be successful but I’ll keep trying.

WR: If I could the spend the day working alongside any local chef, I’d love to collaborate with …

NH: Besides my chef, Cathal Armstrong, who I really enjoy cooking with I would have to say, Frank Ruta. His food has always been inspiring to me. It is just clean, focused, well executed food. The fact that he likes making bread is just a bonus.

WR: What’s the easiest/quickest–but still wholly satisfying–meal you make for yourself?

NH: The easiest thing I make is a tomato sandwich. Just toast, tomato (bursting with ripeness), mayo, salt, and pepper, there’s nothing else to it. It would be my last meal. Thanks to my grandfather in North Carolina who showed me this very simple pleasure.

WR: In the next six months you won’t want to miss my …

NH: The newest creation from the EatGoodFood Group, Society Fair. A bakery, butcher shop, wine bar and studio kitchen all under one roof. The concept is similar to Eataly (but on a mom and pop scale) in NYC. Coming later this year.

WR: It’s quitting time. I’m pouring myself …

NH: Most likely it is bourbon, neat or with a bit of ice. Anything by Pappy Vanwinkle or Black Maple Hill.
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Homemade cornbread and fresh strawberry jam sound like a little slice of heaven, chef.

Come back next Tuesday for another helping of Red Meat.

–Warren

Wine Kitchen to Cross the River

Posted by Warren Rojas / Thursday, June 23rd, 2011

Wine Kitchen co-founder Jason Miller is exporting his award-winning brand to Frederick this fall–and he’s tapped a VOLT vet to help him do so.

Miller didn’t have much by way of design specifics, hinting only that the sister restaurant to his original wine bar/bistro in Leesburg would take up residence in “downtown Frederick” later this year.

But he did share that the kitchen will be helmed by VOLT alumnus Adam Harvey.

“We are very excited to have him [Adam] join us in our new venture,” he said of the well-seasoned new hire.

Miller suggested that the Frederick shop–”It is an up and coming food and wine destination that already has some really great restaurants. We hope to join the scene there and offer something unique to the area,” he said of the northern expansion–would likely adhere to the same small plates and artisan winemakers model, but with totally fresh and different interpretations.

VOLT chef/founder Bryan Voltaggio, who is in the process of doing a little empire building of his own in historic Frederick, sounded genuinely excited about the potential competition.

“I welcome that fact that he’s going to be my neighbor,” Voltaggio said, offering nothing but praise for Harvey, a constant presence in the VOLT kitchen from August 2008 till earlier this spring (Harvey’s younger brother, Evan, is still at VOLT). “I congratulate him on commanding a new kitchen.”

A Frederick native, Voltaggio seems pleased by the hospitality boom he’s helped usher into his hometown. “We’re not popping up restaurants overnight here in Frederick. But we are opening new ones rather than closing’em,” he posited.

But he also held out hope that other restaurateurs might still come, and that greater dining diversity would eventually follow.

“I think I always knew the people here were looking for more choices,” Voltaggio suggested.

Miller couldn’t agree more.

That’s why Leesburg’s Wine Kitchen is prepping a new lunch menu–poised to debut next month–tentatively set to offer gourmet updates ranging from a reimagined Cobb salad, to local sirloin-laden steak and cheeses to tuna burger BLTS.

“The lunch menu will be seasonal and rotate throughout the year,” Miller pledged.

–Warren

You’re a Customer

Posted by Warren Rojas / Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

I read with great interest food blogger/videographer/author Josh Ozerky’s latest anti-restaurant rant in Time magazine.

And by “with great interest” I mean my internal bullshit detector was screaming in my ears.

Mind you, while I found myself nodding along with the few salient points–”casual” dining is by and large a misnomer, wonky reservation policies are distasteful–I was mostly stunned by how lowly Ozersky seems to regard both restaurants (his self-appointed beat) and restaurant goers (his de facto flock).

While he sprinkles sweeping generalizations (“Restaurants like cash because it allows them to cheat the IRS”) and bombast (“The most nakedly coercive form of control, of course, is the dreaded tasting menu, for which the chef sends out 11 tiny portions of food, each one carefully designed to not satisfy you, with the experience requiring less input from you than a nurse requires from an obliging spinal-trauma patient.”) throughout, he manages to shoehorn his most vitriolic views into the following paragraph:

Granted, I ‘m obliged to approach my more-frequent-than-I’d-care-to-admit outings with an eye on professional nitpicking. But something–okay, a lot of things–about Ozersky’s  gripes struck me as, at best, downright petty, and at worst, delusional and wrong.

So I decided to check with a few local dining authorities.

Chef and restaurateur Geoff Tracy seemed the most inclined to give Ozersky the benefit of the doubt.

Tracy stood firmly behind every client’s “right” to text/photograph/Tweet each meal to their heart’s content (“Sure. Why not”) and quench their thirst with thrifty alternatives (“I drink lots of cheap wine. It doesn’t suck, it just doesn’t cost that much,” he asserted). He seemed genuinely baffled by those who misguidedly game the reservation system (“I am also confounded by restaurants who say they are booked between 6 and 10…and then when you walk in the place is WIDE open. Seems like bad for business.”). He even pseudo-endorsed Ozersky’s anti-jerk clause (“Nobody likes a jerk or inconsiderate, mean people”), but left the door open for bitingly honest evaluations and oddball queries.

“Helpful and thoughtful (not mean) constructive comments actually help us get better and are appreciated,” Tracy offered, adding, “I am OK with dopey questions.”

He drew the line, however, at preemptively declining bread service (“Isn’t ‘waving him off before he even speaks’ contradicting the ‘inconsiderate’ component of Josh’s Bill of Rights?”). And Tracy found nothing redeeming about Ozersky’s call to ostracize tongue-tied restaurant workers.

” There are a lot of hardworking people in this business who are trying to learn English. People are realizing the American dream in the restaurant business every day (and in construction sites, landscaping, cleaning businesses, etc),” Tracy counseled. “Unless you are Native American, we should all keep in mind that at some point a past relative was an immigrant to this great country.”

Great American Restaurants CEO Randy Norton attempted to diffuse the whole guest vs. customer stand-off, arguing, “Airlines and grocery stores have customers. People that visit our restaurants are guests.”

“We want to treat everyone as well or better than we would guests in our homes,” Norton said. “In fact, our first core value is ‘we exist to provide happiness to our guests and staff.’ We don’t publicize this; it’s just who we are.”

Norton also rushed to the defense of his company’s long-standing, no-reservations policy.

“We don’t take reservations because it is so difficult to keep guests happy that arrive late,” he explained, suggesting that its equally difficult to gauge “how long guests will stay at a table.” GAR has, instead, utilized a call-ahead system that, while helpful–”We find most guests show up when they call so close to their arrival,” he noted–is still not flawless. “It still isn’t unusual for more than 10 percent of ‘call ahead’ guests to not show up at all,” he calculated.

Restaurateur and Back of the House columnist Meshelle Armstrong laughed off most of Ozersky’s observations, but minced no words about the proposed dining “rights.”

“He [Ozersky] needs to know, patrons do NOT have certain unalienable rights. It is not the government. A restaurant is a privately owned business–with the right to conduct business anyway it chooses,” Armstrong asserted. “IF you do choose to participate in a private business, you have to comply with their rules. SIMPLE.”

Armstrong understandably bemoaned the dissipation of civility (“Life skills and a thing called manners unfortunately HAVE gone by the wayside.”) that one might presume was the original inspiration for Ozersky’s column. But she maintains that common sense remains the best compass. “KNOW where you are going…and act appropriately,” she advised.

Armchair critic cum concierge Don Rockwell was easily the least hospitable towards Ozersky (“This guy needs to get laid”).

“The piece is a potpourri of misplaced ideas, egotism, smugness, and misanthropy with the occasional, seemingly random, grain of coherent thought. Honestly, it would have been a good April Fools’ piece because it’s right on the border of being silly enough to be dismissed as a joke; yet, it’s written for a mass audience which might actually believe some of it, so it’s a dangerous piece of writing on a very small scale,” Rockwell warned.

He went on to dissect Ozersky’s purported rights [plain text], pointing out the following [ALL CAPS]:

You Are Not a Guest

SURE YOU ARE. SECOND DEFINITION OF THE WORD RIGHT HERE.

Guests are people who come to your home.

THAT’S THE FIRST DEFINITION.

Diners at restaurants are customers.

CORRECT, AND THEY’RE ALSO GUESTS.

They pay for food and service.

CORRECT.

They therefore have certain unalienable rights,

A CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF A NON SEQUITUR.

including but not limited to:

OH, SO *HE* IS THE ONE WRITING THE CONSTITUTION .

the right to take pictures of the food with their cell phones

THIS IS SO STUPID THAT I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T COMMENT ON IT.

particularly if they can do so without a flash;

OOPS! HE JUST ALIENATED ONE OF HIS UNALIENABLE RIGHTS!

the right to text all the way through the meal,

REFER TO THE RIGHT TO TAKE PICTURES OF THE FOOD WITH THEIR CELL PHONES.

whether the staff or chef likes it or not;

SERIOUSLY. THIS GUY NEEDS TO GET LAID.

the right to drink the cheapest wine on the menu or to just have iced tea;

CORRECT.

the right to take home things that they don’t finish;

I’LL GIVE HIM THIS (BUT THE RESTAURANT HAS NO OBLIGATION TO HAVE CARRYOUT CONTAINERS).

and the right to pay for their dinner with a credit card.

HOPE THIS GUY DOESN’T PLAN ON GOING TO A LOBSTER POUND.

Is there anything worse than being told,

UMMM …

at the end of a big meal,

WHY A “BIG” MEAL?

that the place doesn’t take plastic and that you have to slink to an ATM?

YEAH, CANCER IS WORSE.

Restaurants like cash because it allows them to cheat the IRS,

THIS IS PROBABLY OFTEN TRUE, BUT IT’S WRONG TO ISSUE A BLANKET STATEMENT ACCUSING ALL CASH-ONLY OPERATIONS OF CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR.

but that’s not your problem.

CORRECT. AND IT’S NOT HIS, EITHER (OR SHOULDN’T BE).

If a restaurant wants to pull that move, they need to tell everyone up front when they sit down.

I AGREE WITH THIS.

You’re right to hate them if they don’t.

HOW ABOUT, “YOU HAVE AN UNALIENABLE RIGHT TO HATE THEM IF THEY DON’T.” I’D GIVE HIM THAT.

And if they send a food runner who can’t speak English well to bring you your food

I ALSO THINK ENGLISH SHOULD BE THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE UNITED STATES OF ‘MERIKA.

and you can’t figure out what the hell he’s saying,

THEN YOU SHOULD EDUCATE YOURSELF, YOU MONOGLOT IGNORAMUS.

you have a right to have your waiter come by and do it himself or herself,

INCORRECT.

which should have happened to begin with.

WHY?

You do not, however, have the right to be a jerk,

NO, ONLY THIS GUY HAS THE RIGHT TO BE A JERK.

to be inconsiderate or to harass them with dopey questions and requests.

JUST LIKE HE’S HARASSING ME WITH THIS DOPEY COLUMN.

Just to be clear here.

SERIOUSLY. THIS GUY NEEDS TO GET LAID.

Restaurateur Michael Landrum–never one to hold his tongue or shy away from a potential media shit storm–proved to be the most stoic about Ozersky’s screed.

“I can only hope that this article will be read as the Swiftian parody that it is, with some points having a basis in reality. That being said, if one does not enjoy dining out, at all or at a specific restaurant, one should simply not do so,” Landrum said. “Every diner has the unalienable right of choice, and he should exercise it freely and without rancor.”

Meanwhile, Tracy recalled a particularly jarring occasion where he found himself on the totally wrong side of the table.

“I once was dining with Coach Bruce Boudreau at a tony restaurant in Potomac. He is a Canadian hockey player and meat-and-potato guy. He was obviously uncomfortable with the menu. The restaurant had a really nice steak on the menu which he politely asked for, but without the sauces and all the fancy stuff. The restaurant wouldn’t do it,” he noted. “Maybe we are just customers after all.”

Is Ozersky right? (222-and-counting Facebook fans can’t all have guzzled the Kool-Aid, can they?) Or is his column more about vainglorious rabble-rousing than actually elevating the dining bar?

–Warren

Red Meat: John MacPherson

Posted by Warren Rojas / Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

Can chefs make it today WITHOUT a reality cooking show? John MacPherson certainly did:

But figures he’d cover all his bases and go the epicurean travelogue/educational cooking route as well. A self-taught chef, MacPherson has been delighting guests at the Foster Harris House with his culinary styles for several years now. He penned his first cookbook in 2009 and is poised to take to the airwaves with a new PBS series next fall.

WR: Salt. Pepper What other culinary elements could you not live without?

JM: Olive oil and butter. Olive oil finds its way into so many dishes…sautéed, baked, broiled, braised, grilled, raw, dressings. Bold and fruity or mild and clean tasting it is a must have for my cooking. And butter, there’s really no replacing its rich flavor and ability to make silky sauces, moist perfect baked goods and that perfect finish to a piece of fish or meat.

WR: What’s the very first dish you ever mastered? How long did it take? Do you still make it today?

JM: The omelet. I’m not talking about the mushroom, pepper, onion and cheese omelet you get at your local greasy spoon. I’m talking about the classic French omelet…a fresh egg, tablespoon of water, buttered omelet pan and low heat. I made hundreds before it was perfect. It’s still surprises me how delicious a simple omelet can be when prepared well.

WR: What seasonal ingredient(s) get your creative juices flowing?

JM: At the moment I’m enamored with beets. Colorful, sweet, earthy beets. Raw and julienned in a salad or slaw is quick and easy and adds so much flavor and texture. And then to roast them transforms them into these magical jewels that I can’t seem to get enough of.

WR: My latest cookbook obsession is …

JM: Pintxos: Small Plates in the Basque Tradition by Gerald Hirigoyen. Exciting flavors and combinations all wrapped up in little bites. Perfect for entertaining.

WR: What’s the most challenging dish you’ve ever attempted? Would you make it again?

JM: Not that preparing it is particularly challenging, but very early on at the Foster Harris House I made individual Gruyere soufflés for 12 guests as part of a four-course breakfast. As I watched my soufflé’s rising in the oven and still waited for guests to come down to breakfast, I swore I’d never do it again. Now we do it regularly, but I only make soufflés on our guests second day with us, once I know they are punctual!

WR: If I could the spend the day working alongside any local chef, I’d love to collaborate with …

JM: Chef Patrick O’Connell at the Inn at Little Washington. What Chef O’Connell and his team do at the inn is an inspiration and the fact that its two blocks away from us makes us very happy and proud.

WR: What’s the easiest/quickest–but still wholly satisfying–meal you make for yourself?

JM: Roast chicken and veggies. Can’t beat the aroma of a roasting chicken and you have leftovers for the next day:

WR: In the next six months you won’t want to miss my …

JM: Our new PBS series, In Season!

WR: It’s quitting time. I’m pouring myself …

JM: A glass of wine, Pinot preferably!

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Best of luck with your forthcoming TV show, Chef. We just might have to tune in…

Come back next Tuesday for another helping of Red Meat.

–Warren

Back of the House: Working It

Posted by Warren Rojas / Friday, June 17th, 2011

An insider’s guide to the navigating the fine dining restaurant world.
~
“There are definite procedures to ensure a positive dining/restaurant experience. It all begins with
this idea: Prepare for good dining karma.”
- Restaurant Eve Service Manual

Staffing a new restaurant is rough business. I know; we’ve just opened one.

There are 12 million employees in the restaurant industry in the USA, which makes it the second largest employer in the nation after the government.

With those numbers you’d think that the staffing pool would be pretty plentiful. And it is. But the good ones are hard to find. Really hard to find. Normally, when a restaurant is already in operation you don’t really notice how many people apply for positions. The restaurant industry is just like a revolving door, swooping in, swooping out–someone’s either coming from Miami or moving to Miami.

So, with the one-in, one-out scenario you forget what it’s like to interview en masse.

Hours were spent interviewing the open call applicants for our new restaurant, trying to find those few people that can be molded to our ways–to see the hospitality light.

Throughout the lengthy interview process our managers had organized I would wander in from time to time, nodding here and there at the few hopefuls that I thought were possibilities: good body language, attentive, taking notes, asking the right questions because they did their homework per the ad–“Know who we are as a restaurant group before you apply.”

Then there were the others: unkempt and slouchy, “Uh, are you all like part of {insert restaurant group, clearly not us} ?” Many answering our questions with “Um, yeah,” and my favorite, “So, how much money am I gonna make here?” This particular lot got the immediate, “Thank you for coming–now out, out, out.”

But the one that sticks out in my mind was the 20-something girl who arrived in a super short, denim skirt (one she really should not have been wearing, never mind to an interview).

She chewed and cracked gum the whole time with a beyond laissez-faire ‘tude.

“Yeah, I wanna be a bartender. It’s a good way to meet dudes.”

Following her triumphant interview, she untwisted her coke bottle top (while it was cradled between her legs)–sssffftttt–put her wait-a-sec finger up and took a long, gulping swig.

Ok, Miss Two Scoops of Crazy, amusing but ah, no, we shan’t be needing those very apt services.

I did actually think about telling her the truth as to why she would not be hired. Instead, I just smiled and sent the hot mess on her way–to someone else. While part of me wanted to pass on a few tips on how to get hired, I realized she wouldn’t even have a clue what I was saying–she was already too far gone.

Attitude, I cannot teach.

We hire all our people first based on attitude. We look for that very special mix of humbleness and confidence. Everything else after that can be learned.

Skills, I can teach.

How to properly host dinner for various services: silver, American, Russian. How to properly clear a table. How to properly decant wine.

But before even all that, there is a very simple list: our own personal collection of what NOT to do when waiting on patrons. It’s a compilation of 100+”no-no’s”. Many were gathered and passed on by my peers before me, others I’ve collected while in
the moment of processing voids, comping, and sweet-talking my way out of my staff’s why-didyou-say/do-that fiascos. And one I’ve added on as recently as yesterday.

While I am already thrilled with many of our newest “restaurant family” members, I know some of them will not make it. Regardless of restaurant style, fine dining or a casual tavern, diners are tough, and many downright mean (Coming soon to Back of the House). So I have to give our doe-eyed hopefuls that home team advantage. If they can at least remember most items on this list, it will extend their serving career and even more importantly make you, the diner, happier.

I won’t share the whole list, for fear of sounding like a tyrant and getting booed out by one of those 12 million restaurant employees. If you want to know the rest, you’ll just have to apply.

They are not listed in any particular order or level of ‘badness.’ And Restaurant Eve’s list is a bit more involved. But this will give you an idea of what you should expect from (I can’t speak for everyone else) most floor staff. And promise me this: if you ever see any of our people–new, old, the fine dining captains, or even the counter kings (the gents that work Eamonn’s chip shoppe)–performing any of the following ‘no-no’ hi-jinks, send me an email.

But remember, my newbies are still learning; after a month of being open, then we can rant.

And if there are any restaurant employee actions that you find particularly egregious–send me an email. I may or may not already have them noted but I’d love to know if my list is complete.

Oh, and here are a couple of those preinterview tips I really wanted to share with Miss Chug-alug.

Remember:

Chances are you won’t be hired (but you’ll certainly make me laugh) if a well crafted resume full of your passions for the food industry is sent from an email address such as: hottotrot76, boytoy, or the best ever, u_a_lzyfkr (yes, these are some I have received). Better to refrain from sending any of those handles.

Chances are you won’t be hired if your answer to “Why did you leave your previous job?” is: “I couldn’t get along with the the manager.”

Chances are you won’t be hired if in the interview you are given a schedule of the shifts and your reply is, “Oh, that won’t work for me, is it possible to come in later?”

But that’s just me.

Ok, on to the follies:

Never call a table of women, guys, or anyone “dude.” (This rule should just apply in general terms.)

Never say “no problem” or “uh huh” to a guest’s “thank you.” The only appropriate reply is “you are welcome.” (Again, this rule applies to life skills.)

Never try to pick up or make moves on anyone while you are waiting on them. (If you don’t get the date, you still have to wait on them.)

Never compliment one person at the table. (You’re basically telling all the others that they don’t pass muster.)

Never say or ask a single diner, “ Oh, you are alone tonight?”

Never interrupt a conversation to recite specials. It’s like saying, “Excuuuuse me, I’m in a hurry and what I have to say is way more important.”

Never make comments to a conversation you’ve overheard. (“Oh, sounds like a scary movie.”) They could be talking about their lives. And anyway, no one cares. “Go get my drink” is probably what they’re thinking.

Never say “I don’t know” to any question without following with, “I’ll find out.”

Never touch, pat or dust a guest. Even if they are regulars, hands off.

Never say, “Still working on that?” (Work?)

Never use profanity even if the guests do. You are not cool, you’re just rude.

Never clear plates from a table if someone is still eating. (No one wants to be the last one eating while the others are looking at you and thinking “hurry up.”)

Never bite your fingernails, scratch your crotch or run fingers through your hair. Gross.

Never stand idle or chat to your fellow staff while empty or full tables are covered with dirty dishes. (If I see you, trust me, I’ll give you more work.)

Never have a personal conversation with another waiter within earshot of customers. (They do not want to know what you did over the weekend, they want attention.)

Never hustle the most expensive items– “You should have the lobster, it’s my favorite and the most popular.” The lobster is not the prom queen, and you sound like you’re pumping the check.

Never drink alcohol on the job, even if invited by the guests. “Thank you, but not when I’m on duty,” is the proper response.

Never say, “Good choice.” What? The other choices are bad.

Never blame the kitchen, bar, host, runner or the weather for anything that goes wrong. Just make it right.

Never overly turn on the charm at tip time. Be charming throughout. And anyway, everyone knows “the rub.”

Never pick up or clear dirty glasses with “the claw.” Finger fungus does exist. Enough said.

Never say–and boy I know this because I personally made this mistake, in my early days–never say, “Would you like a third, (or fourth, or fifth) glass of wine?”

And the one I added (and it’s been a long times since) after overhearing a conversation between a guest and one of our now Ex staff members–Never answer a question with an idiotic reply:

Guest: “What’s served under the scallops?’
Waiter: “Oh, some white mushy stuff.”

It was risotto. And I think his head was full of white mushy stuff. If you don’t know the answer, don’t play cute or stupid. Go find out and study your menu. This is your job.

So there they are, ‘The Nevers’. Reading them again brings back so many fond memories. Here’s hoping they stick–to serve you well.

And to the would be snarkers, yes, I also have a detailed list of the “do’s”. But for some reason the dont’s are far easier to remember.

I adore our staff, they work very hard. But make no mistake, they know very well what they are getting into when they punch the clock in ‘our house’. Our expectations are high–they have to be.

–Meshelle Armstrong, co-owner Restaurant Eve, Eamonn’s a Dublin Chipper, PX, The Majestic, Virtue Feed & Grain, Society Fair.

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Contemplate the collective Back of the House wisdom by following along here.

Got a story/ question/comment to contribute to the dining karma conversation? Leave a comment below. Or go straight to the source at: Eatgoodfood@me.com

Red Meat: Jason Lage

Posted by Warren Rojas / Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

Having done the whole catering to the resort crowd thing, chef Jason Lage has decided to slow things down a bit:

(Image: Anastasia Chernyavsky)

He’s continuing the farm-to-fork mission he helped nurture at On the Potomac but is doing so in a much more intimate, countrified bistro–menu runs the gamut from familiar soup and sandwich combos to fanciful quiches and gourmet liver and onions send-ups–of his own design.

WR: Salt. Pepper. What other spices/herbs could you not live without?

JL: Basil, rosemary, cinnamon and nutmeg

WR: What’s the very first dish you ever mastered? How long did it take? Do you still make it today?

JL: My grandmother’s chicken soup. Still make it quite often.

WR: What seasonal ingredient(s) get your creative juices flowing?

JL: Corn, tomatoes, morels and asparagus

WR: My latest cookbook obsession is …

JL: Noma: Time and Place in Nordic Cuisine by René Redzepi

WR: What’s the most challenging dish you’ve ever attempted? Would you make it again?

JL: Charlie Trotter’s Braised Tripe. It is very tedious to clean and is very labor intensive and time consuming. The whole process takes four days. Yes would make it again, not often.

WR: If I could the spend the day working alongside any local chef, I’d love to collaborate with …

JL: Jeffrey Buben. When at the stove he is hands down one of the best chefs on the East Coast. A lot of DC chefs owe their career to Jeff.

WR: What’s the easiest/quickest–but still wholly satisfying–meal you make for yourself?

JL: A simple grilled cheese with gruyere and bacon [or] Papaya King hot dogs (a friend brings them down from NYC often) on New England-style rolls

WR: In the next six months you won’t want to miss my …

JL: Short smoked Georges Bank scallops with creamy corn, Quarter Branch Farm tomatoes and basil from our garden.

WR: It’s quitting time. I’m pouring myself …

JL: A Kalik. Nothing quenches your thirst after cooking on a hot line like an ice cold beer.

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We can’t imagine manipulating tripe for more than a few minutes, much less 96 hours. Kudos on your patience, chef.

Come back next Tuesday for another helping of Red Meat.

–Warren

Red Meat: Alex Reyes

Posted by Warren Rojas / Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

Where there’s smoke there’s … barbecue? Chef Alex Reyes certainly hopes so:

(Image: Stacey Viera)

The Spanish toque has been working his magic behind the scenes of the Harry’s chainlet for some time now. He recently accepted a new challenge in launching Harry’s Smokehouse, a casual concept accentuating the pleasures of slow-smoked, expertly grilled proteins and other summer favorites.

WR: Salt. Pepper. What other spices/herbs could you not live without?

AR: Pimenton (Spanish paprika), saffron, chili flakes, cardamom, thyme, parsley, basil and bay leaves.

WR: What’s the very first dish you ever mastered? How long did it take? Do you still make it today?

AR: My grandma’s Spanish tortilla! It took me a while but I did. I still make it for my family when I go to the farmer’s market to get some local eggs and spuds!

WR: What seasonal ingredient(s) get your creative juices flowing?

AR: Rhubarb in the spring, tomatoes and corn in the summer, celeriac in the fall and squashes in the winter.

WR: My latest cookbook obsession is …

AR: Ferran Adria’s “Modern Gastronomy” and also his [AUTHOR IS ACTUALLY LISA ABEND] new book “The Sorcerer’s Apprentices“. The book reveals secrets and stories inside Adria’s restaurant “El Bulli” and also narrates about the training of the apprentices of one of the world’s top restaurants.

WR: What’s the most challenging dish you’ve ever attempted? Would you make it again?

AR: Traditional American BBQ. It is not just about smoking meats … it’s an art! I still have a lot to master but I’m having so much fun in the process.

WR: If I could the spend the day working alongside any local chef, I’d love to collaborate with …

AR: Jose Andrés. He is great chef and talented restaurateur.

WR: What’s the easiest/quickest–but still wholly satisfying–meal you make for yourself?

AR: Pan con tomate y jamon Serrano (Bread with tomato and Serrano ham) this is an ideal snack anytime of the day!! You simply toast or grill the bread (baguette) then smear it with ripe tomatoes and drizzle the bread with Spanish extra-virgin olive oil (I prefer sol de la Mancha) and little sprinkle of fleur de sel. Top it with the Serrano ham and enjoy!

WR: In the next six months you won’t want to miss my …

AR: Harry’s restaurant group new concepts/restaurants!!

WR: It’s quitting time. I’m pouring myself …

AR: A glass of a Spaniard [sic] wine.
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Chef, we, too, continue working on our signature barbecuing techniques. Enjoy the journey.

Come back next Tuesday for another helping of Red Meat.

–Warren

Red Meat: Duane Keller

Posted by Warren Rojas / Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

Need a hand in the kitchen? Duane Keller is happy to oblige:

(Image: Jason Hornick)

Since we’ve known him, the journeyman chef has lent his carefully honed talents to: D.C.’s white table cloth scene, a corporate stunner in National Harbor, an exurban golf club and a fledgling Irish pub. These days, you’ll find him behind the burners at Boxwoods in Fairfax, George Mason University‘s bid for a slice of the fine-dining pie.

WR: Salt. Pepper. What other spices/herbs could you not live without?

DK: Virginia watercress, fresh tarragon, chives, fresh dill, sea salt, fresh basil, whole nutmeg, ginger, fennel seed, curry powder, garam masala, crushed red pepper flakes, lavender, smoked Spanish paprika, fresh bay leaves, habanero powder, vanilla beans, wasabi, fresh rosemary and garlic.

WR: What’s the very first dish you ever mastered?

DK: At an early age, via pontoon plane, we would fly into our cabin on Canoe Lake, Saskatchewan, Canada. No roads led to this lake and the pickerel were a challenge to pull in. To prepare the meal it took everything from luring, catching, cleaning, seasoning, starting the fire and understanding the heat of the fire and cast iron pan. Not an easy task for a 10 year old.

WR: How long did it take?

DK: By my second summer on the lake I understood the concept but it took me three summers to master cooking the pickerel.

WR: Do you still make it today?

DK: Anytime I can get back home to Saskatoon you’ll find me on Canoe Lake … even ice fishing in the winter.

WR: What seasonal ingredient(s) get your creative juices flowing?

DK: It’s a great time here in Virginia for local sorrel, arugula, morels, shad roe, Chesapeake rockfish, spinach and squash.

WR: My latest cookbook obsession is …

DK: A Day at El Bulli – Ferran Adria

WR: What’s the most challenging dish you’ve ever attempted? Would you make it again?

DK: 5-foot-high Croquembouche, under a time constraint. Absolutely. A fun holiday feature for many to enjoy.

WR: If I could the spend the day working alongside any local chef, I’d love to collaborate with …

DK: Patrick O’Connell – Inn of Little Washington

WR: What’s the easiest/quickest–but still wholly satisfying–meal you make for yourself?

DK: My wife, Jen, is a fabulous cook so I usually leave the home cooking for her. When she’s out of town I will whip up….

WR: In the next six months you won’t want to miss …

DK: Boxwood’s Sustainable Summer and Fall Menus 2011

WR: It’s quitting time. I’m pouring myself …

DK: A Leffe Blonde

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Chef, we are totally adding your CBLT to our summer snacking toolbox.

Come back next Tuesday for another helping of Red Meat.

–Warren