Fear Factor

Social anxiety does not have to follow the child throughout life.

By Renee Sklarew

Shutterstock/Qushe & Daniel Gale

When the new school year approaches, your child seems anxious. When faced with a new situation, s/he doesn’t engage with others, clings to you, or even cries when you leave. But what is wrong? And how can you help?

The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) reports 5.2 percent of American adults have “social phobia”—people who feel uncomfortable speaking to others beyond their own family members and are fearful of new things—a psychiatric disorder that usually manifests in childhood and early adolescence.

Some common physical symptoms include blushing, profuse sweating, trembling, nausea and difficulty talking. People with social phobias may seek therapeutic environments to overcome fears and anxiety.

One option is the Social Anxiety Support Group of D.C., Maryland and for SASG, says she was an extremely shy child, but today she supports adults who are nervous dealing with new people and new situations. Sunny believes parents play a key role in helping shy children gain social confidence. “How parents treat other people, and how they handle new situations, teaches children how to behave. Children learn behavior from their own parents. Social anxiety is partly genetic and partly environmental,” explains Sunny (full name withheld).

George Mason University professor Koraly Perez-Edgar, Ph.D., is an internationally known researcher studying temperamentally shy children and their psycho-physiological traits. Her research looked at children from 4 months to 19 years of age, whom she followed for exhibiting “early negative reactions”—they expressed a strong fear response to new settings and were more likely to withdraw in social situations. Perez-Edgar found that without early intervention, shy children often develop anxiety disorders.

What did parents of shy children do to successfully intervene? Perez-Edgar says, “Children who entered social environments—like daycare or frequent, manageable playdates—usually figured out how to navigate social situations for themselves.” The children who were isolated at home with a nanny or parent were more likely to remain socially inhibited.

When school starts, Perez-Edgar explains, it’s easy to identify the shy kids, because they hold back at first. Fortunately, she says, as long as a shy child makes at least one friend, s/he will likely learn how to cope and work through her/his initial anxious response. Perez-Edgar’s studies show children with the worst outcomes are those whose parents either “swooped in,” or “threw them into the deep end instead of working through it little-by-little.”

Some recommendations Perez-Edgar makes: Parents should take their shy child to visit the classroom before the first day of school, “so they can imagine themselves there before adding other kids. It’s less overwhelming.” She also suggests arranging a meeting between the shy child and other children from the class in advance. The team of researchers notes that the gradual practice of facing fears, like encouraging shy kids to ask questions in a store, helps them overcome inhibitions and gain confidence.

From personal experience, Sunny adds: “If shyness persists into the teenage years, try cognitive behavioral therapy.” Now, for the easy part: “And try telling them you love them. Giving them a hug now and then helps their self-esteem and may provide a basis for bonding with other people.”

(September 2011)

Tags: Family, fear, Northern Virginia, Northern Virginia Magazine, NoVA, social anxiety