Zen Bride
 
How one busy bride-to-be is keeping her sanity through flowers, cakes and tons of tulle

By Elizabeth Weiss McGolerick

Fourteen months after her engagement, Erin Fleming remains cool, calm and collected as she works her full-time job, finishes up her master’s degree, purchases a new home and makes trips to the gym—all while planning her wedding.

“I am trying to keep things as easy and stress free as possible,” Fleming said of her Oct. 6 plans to marry Jeremy Duarte. “I am a wee bit high strung—I’m sure my fiance would argue the ‘wee bit’ part—and think the easier the better.”

So how has Fleming made wedding planning easy? Maybe her year-long engagement allowed her the time to plan. Maybe following her regimented budget gave her peace of mind. Maybe she’s an organized bride who knows what she wants a how to get it. But can it all be picture perfect?

Twenty-eight-year-old Duarte proposed to Fleming, 30, in April 2006. “We met at a local bar through mutual friends and got engaged a year later!” Fleming said. This striking pair shares an Irish heritage and Duarte brings his half-Mexican heritage to the mix. Both work as technical recruiters and recently bought a townhouse in Ashburn. Fleming wanted to be “completely settled in” before the big day so she would “know exactly what to register for.”

So what is this social couple hoping to create for their wedding day?

“Overall, we want elegant, simple, classic and fun,” Fleming stressed. But one small glitch in the peace of planning comes with the ceremony itself.

“We’re both Catholic but we don’t want a long, drawn out ceremony,” Fleming admitted. “So, against our parents’ wishes, we will have a minister friend of my dad marry us. It will be short and sweet with spiritual flair, prayer and blessings, but there will not be a mass.”

The families have accepted the couple’s choice, but that doesn’t make it any easier on Fleming.

“People are really just trying to help—everyone has a suggestion but you feel like you’re constantly turning people down. That’s been kind of tough for me because I’m a people-pleaser.” Fleming is grateful though for her agreeable family. “Saying no to my dad when he’s writing the checks is difficult,” she said, but both of Fleming’s parents are happy to help financially and encourage every decision to be in the name of the couple’s happiness.

“Pretty much once I’ve made a choice, that’s it. The matter is dropped.” Except, however, when her husband-to-be contributes.

When Fleming started making plans, Duarte seemed happy to let it all get worked out without his input. “When the decision was made, that’s when he’d want to put in his two cents and change everything!” she said. But Fleming isn’t complaining. In fact, she sounded quite proud when she explained that, “Jeremy likes to be involved and say that he’s had a hand in planning this.”

As the bride and groom prepared for the dinner tasting, which was organized for them by the Hyatt Fair Lakes in Fairfax where the event will be held, Fleming joked, “Jeremy will definitely be involved with anything that has to do with food.”

And, indeed, the groom-to-be dug in, apologizing throughout for eating heartily instead of just “tasting.”

Though the formal environment made the tasting a little awkward—and no one really wants to be watched while they’re eating—Fleming didn’t let her nerves get the best of her. Working their way through course after course, all generously peppered with laughter, the couple made their final food choices.

“We decided to opt out of the dessert course and add on an extra hour of open bar,” Fleming explained. “We think the cake will be plenty for our guests and they would rather keep on drinkin’!”

The self-proclaimed “salad freaks” certainly could have selected dishes that tickled only their taste buds, but Fleming and Duarte felt strongly that their celebration be about their guests.

“The only thing I remember about a wedding is how much fun I had. We both have a ton of friends in the area who all like cocktails and parties. So, good food, music, free-flowing drinks and a great vibe are the goal here. Of course, all done in a very classy manner.”

With a little help from the Hyatt and its on-site coordinator, Fleming and Duarte are well on their way to creating the ambiance they imagine. Not only did the venue provide the couple with a food tasting, at that same meeting their chosen vendors offered samples of table adornments that made Fleming’s eyes sparkle.

“We loved the navy blue tablecloths, the white chair covers and the platinum bows on the chairs,” Fleming described. “It looked so rich and elegant. I liked them so much I’m sure that’s what I’m going to choose as my palette. I will definitely be renting all of those items for the wedding.”

Up until this point, Fleming chose silver, white and eggplant, but, she said, “I told the Hyatt’s coordinator we were thinking of changing. When my sister was visiting from New York and tried on bridesmaid dresses, one sample dress came in navy. It was gorgeous. My favorite color is blue, too.” The reception display sealed the deal.

And along with these color selections came a groom-pleasing coincidence.

“Jeremy is a die-hard Cowboys fan. He was thrilled that our color palette was going to be changing to Cowboys colors!” Fleming exclaimed. “Incorporating anything Cowboys into our D.C. wedding might not be appreciated because of all the Redskins fans,” she joked. So instead of going overboard with lone stars on napkins or Troy Aikman bobblehead dolls as favors, “We might do a Cowboys groom’s cake.”

“I have budgeted about $2,000 for the photographer, but that doesn’t include prints,” Fleming admitted. “We can order those later.” And worry about the price later.

Although, the bride thought aloud, “I have heard from so many people that we should sink as much as possible into the photographer and video because that’s all you have left of the big day.”

When discussing vendors, Fleming said, “Recommendations are invaluable.” Each of the five photographers she and Duarte considered during their search was a referral. After lunch meetings and consultations, phone calls and one non-negotiable vendor, Fleming and Duarte finally settled on Enfocas Photography in Tysons Corner, on a coworker’s recommendation.

“The photographer was laid back and to the point,” Fleming said. “Her attitude, pictures and overall vibe” made the ultimate decision for the pair, with her personality really sealing the deal.

“Some of the other photographers, mixed with our personalities, would have been a complete nightmare. I need someone who is going to be chill when I’m acting crazy.” So even though the chosen vendor will cost a little more, “She seems well worth the money,” Fleming said. “I am so glad this worked out. We are going to use her for both photography and videography. It’s nice to have a one-stop shop. One more thing off the list!”

At this point, Fleming admitted cheerfully, “I am feeling really calm. I have so much else going on that I don’t have time to stress. Having a long engagement was helpful. It gave me time to enjoy being engaged, book things slowly and take my time.”

While Erin has maintained her wits throughout her planning, every bride gets stumped on at least one wedding detail. For Fleming, she just couldn’t settle on a bridesmaid dress. In October, she knew what shop she wanted to buy the gowns from and in what color (first platinum, then eggplant—a change actually made due to Jeremy’s thoughts). But throughout the following months her mind kept changing.

She wanted to appease all seven of her bridesmaids—a few of whom gave strict orders about “no strapless” gowns—but Fleming knew that, “Seven girls have seven different opinions! I definitely want my girls’ input but there are so many of them that I have to be careful.

“Each girl will wear the same dress. Deciding to have seven bridesmaids was the reason it was so hard to find a dress, but all the girls are happy with it,” Fleming explained. “Also, having a wedding in the fall limits you to long dresses, at least I think so. The whole process actually helped me decide my color palette, so even though it was long and drawn out it was worth it. I am very happy with the navy and silver!”

Unfortunately, Fleming would have to endure just one more change involving the bridesmaids’ gowns. With the dress finally selected and all the girls dutifully calling in to order the gown in their size, it wasn’t until when the next-to-last attendant placed her order that the shop owner realized the chosen gown was not available in navy blue.

Enter the mellow bride.

“I wasn’t upset because I wasn’t in love with the dress anyway, just the color,” Fleming admitted. Though it’s been a challenge to get seven attendants organized, Fleming said her girls have been cooperative. “I never had any choice about what I would wear when I was in weddings,” she said, so she wanted to provide options.

“Again, people-pleaser!” she laughed.

Although Fleming made her first official hunting trips for her own bridal gown last summer with her mother in Florida she didn’t really get serious until last fall.

With her mother down south and her sister in New York, Fleming said, “I have to depend on who is here.” So, in November she hit the shops with a few of her bridesmaids, as well as her soon-to-be mother-in-law who, Fleming said gratefully, “has been like a second mother to me.”

Having someone by your side though doesn’t make getting in and out of silk and tulle and satin any easier. “Trying on dresses is exhausting!” Fleming said (not to mention nerve-wracking and uncomfortable—particularly when your photo is being taken for a magazine article in an overheated shop).

“There are so many to choose from. People browse online and the gowns never look anything like that in person. I had two I was so excited to try and didn’t like either one [once I was in the store].”

But after donning umpteen dresses, Fleming found herself returning to Bobbie’s Bridal in Fairfax. “The gown I tried there was really what I imagined myself in—simple and elegant. It fit well and I felt good in it.”

She also admitted, “I can’t fathom spending thousands of dollars on a dress I will wear once. I guess that’s the practical side of me.” And, to Fleming’s delight, Bobbie’s was the most reasonably-priced shop. The gown she fell in love with was priced under her budgeted amount. “Who would have thought?” she said.

But she waited a bit before making the actual purchase. “I want my mom to see it.”

Flowers, centerpieces and wedding cakes—the bride wanted her mom by her side for such aesthetic choices. Fleming knew in November that she would wait for her mother’s February visit to make these things happen. Even with a whirlwind weekend ahead of them, Fleming and her mother accomplished everything they set out to do.

“The flowers and photographers are the biggest expenses of the wedding thus far. I had done a lot of research so I wasn’t surprised, but one florist said so many brides aren’t aware. What I had budgeted and the quotes I received were only a few hundred off. Of course, my quote was less!”

And then came the sweetest trip—for the wedding cake. Two shops and a dozen or so cake and icing combinations later, Fleming, Duarte and their mothers agreed on a four-tiered, multi-shaped, vanilla cake with raspberry and chocolate layers.

“We’ll probably use fresh flowers from our florist to decorate,” Fleming explained. And it was just as much the palpable camaraderie the quartet felt with the baker as it was the satisfying goodness of the dessert that helped them to decide.

“We were there for hours and really connected,” Fleming said. “We got into all kinds of personal stuff, sitting around the table laughing like an Oprah Winfrey show!”

Now, with Fleming’s mother taking care of the invitations in Florida, “I don’t have to worry about them,” Fleming said relieved.

Despite all Fleming checked off on her list, a significant number of items still require some thought—organizing the guest list, registering, arranging hair and makeup appointments, choosing wedding bands, renting tuxes and selecting gifts for the attendants.

“I’m going to buy them something practical rather than a keepsake,” Fleming said.

Also calling for attention are some finishing creative spins for the reception.

“Menus are a neat added touch,” Fleming said. “I saw them done at another wedding and it’s a great way to add jazz to the tables and incorporate your colors again. The menus and guest place cards will be done professionally. I might create programs and table names myself; it’s definitely a way to save money. Besides, why else would you have seven bridesmaids if you can’t find things to make them do!”

According to Cost of Wedding, a website operated by The Wedding Report that provides statistics and market research for the wedding industry, the average cost for nuptials in the Northern Virginia-Washington, D.C.-Maryland region is around $40,000.

Fleming and Duarte’s budget is realistic for this area, having estimated that their ceremony, reception for close to 200 people, food and alcohol will run them—and their parents, who are helping financially—around $25,000.

“I would like to stay within $38,000 for the whole thing,” Fleming said. “So that leaves about $13,000 for flowers, dress, centerpieces, cake, music, photographer, videographer, rings, chair covers,” and whatever else might pop up along the way. “I am estimating everything on the higher end so there are less cost surprises.”

Fleming, as you can tell, is a planner.

(June/July 2007)