Our “likely” prognostications for what lies ahead in 2014.
A new year is upon us, filled with new promise and hope that our resolutions may make it beyond MLK Day. While no one knows what the New Year will hold, we decided to take a crack at it and project five things likely to happen in NoVA in 2014. —Carten Cordell
– The budget deal struck by U.S. Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) and Sen. Patty Murray (D-Washington) will pass with wide political support, ushering in a new era of bipartisanship and camaraderie that will change the shape of Washington. Deemed the Pax Obama, named after the 200-year era of peace in the Roman Empire, this glorious age of cooperation lasts approximately seven days.
– Frustrated by the continued malfunction of escalators in Metro stations, WMATA plans to convert them all to stairs. NoVA’s collective body mass index plummets following the shift.
– Teddy begins an impressive 52-game race winning streak at Nationals Park, spurring the Washington Nationals to first place in the NL East. But after pulling a hammie post All-Star break, Teddy’s injury causes a six-game slide.
– Believing the 2013 season was riddled with bad karma, Dan Snyder decides to change the Washington Redskins name. Options include The Fightin’ Litigators, the Washington Gridlock and the Eternal Optimists.
– Congress’ major legislative achievement of the year is a resolution calling for the reopening of two Ray’s Hell Burger locations in Arlington. Obama applauds the action, adding that further budget negotiations will take place “over a basket of Big Punishers.”
Photos courtesy of Scott Ableman/flickr.com (Teddy); David Kay/Shutterstock.com (escalator); Olga Bogatyrenko/Shutterstock.com (Redskins); meltechfoto/Shutterstock.com (Ryan); Kate Bohler (burger).