By Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D
The recent terrorist attacks in Paris have shaken the hearts and heads of many around the world. And since the Paris attacks, upsetting event after upsetting event has occurred, compounding the effect on our collective psyche as a nation: ISIS’s additional threats of further inhumane violence in New York City and Washington, D.C.; the diverted Air France flights; the attacks in Mali on a Western hotel; the high alert terror status in Brussels; the exposed Syrian refugees attempting to enter the United States with fake passports.
And while we are all upset by what his happening right now, our children are the most at risk emotionally as a group.
As a child psychologist, I have been dealing with the emotional impact of terrorism this past week with a number of my child and teen patients. While I am perforce in the role of treating children with emotional and behavioral struggles, there are times when larger societal issues can enter the therapy space—and this is one of those times. Many of my child and teen clients have broached the topic of terrorism with me this week and with a heightened sense of anxiety.
Children have asked, “Do you think ISIS will attack the United States?” and “How do you win a war with people who will just blow themselves up right in front of you?” and “Do you think this will lead to World War III?” And these questions are eerily similar to the questions that child and teen patients asked of me in the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
The anxiety children expressed in my office in 2001 and now in 2015 is not surprising inasmuch as the need for safety and security is a very real human and universal need; and even more so for children who do not possess the internal resources—intellectual or emotional—to understand, make sense of or tolerate complex topics such as terrorism.
It is my hope that the problem of ISIS and global terrorism will be solved by our world leaders sooner than later, and I offer the following recommendations to parents on how to talk to your children about ISIS and terrorism now:
1. Check your anxiety level before talking to your children about ISIS or terrorism. Children can be very perceptive to how their parents are feeling, so make sure you are calm, reassuring and confident if and when you choose to discuss the topic of ISIS and terrorism.
2. Consider your audience when determining what you share or do not share with your children on the topic of ISIS and terrorism. Regardless of the concerning or upsetting information we as parents receive via the media, we must always be mindful of what our children are capable of handling before discussing things. Thus, your child’s age, maturity level and threshold for worry/anxiety are all things to consider before discussing ISIS. Just as you would not discuss natural disasters or school shootings in the same way with 4-, 8- or 16-year-old children due to developmental differences, you would not do the same for the topic of ISIS with your children of varying ages.
3. Teach your children about ISIS and terrorism. By educating your children about ISIS, they will understand things better, which in turn will serve to decrease their anxiety. It is important to be clear and accurate with the information you share, and keep your points and message simple. What does the abbreviation ISIS mean? Who are the Sunnis and the Shiites? What is a caliphate? Perhaps you could find educational articles or sites on ISIS and terrorism on the Internet that you can read with your children. For a younger child, simply introducing the concept of good versus evil is a nice way to help the child begin to understand why people sometimes do bad things in the world. Using movie characters or actual events that may have occurred in your child’s life (e.g., a bullying episode) may also prove helpful. For children 8 years and older, the Newseum in Washington, D.C., has recently reopened its wonderfully informative exhibition, “Inside Today’s FBI.” The exhibition explores the ways in which the bureau is fighting terrorism and cybercrime. From 9/11 to the Boston Marathon Bombers and various other cybercriminals and crimes, older children and teens can learn about terrorism via the mixed media and actual artifacts from those tragedies.
4. Minimize your children’s exposure to the media. Turn off the news. News agencies have been on fire with terrorism stories since the Paris tragedy occurred. And while ISIS and terrorism is a newsworthy story, such widespread exposure can cause increased anxiety for our children.
5. Another way to help your children get control over the things they can control is to have an action or emergency plan in place within the home. This is an excellent time to teach your children about keeping doors and windows locked and maintaining polite but appropriate boundaries with strangers. Choosing a location other than your home for your family to meet in the event of an emergency is also important. Having a designated out-of-state contact is also advised. Writing down necessary information in advance (e.g., phone numbers and email addresses of friends and family members, passwords, account numbers, social security numbers, etc.) and having copies on-hand for family members would also be helpful should cell phones, the Internet or landlines not work. Putting together a disaster kit in the event of an emergency is also a good idea. Having food and water for at least 72 hours is recommended, as well as having other sorts of supplies (e.g., a working flashlight, a first-aid kid, cash, etc.). If you can afford a premade 72-hour emergency kit, purchase one. The American Red Cross sells them online. During this time of anxiety, uncertainty and potential unsafety, it is also important to remind your children to be vigilant of their surroundings and to know how to discuss and report any out of the ordinary situations. The Loudoun County website has posted an informational guideline, “If You See Something, Say Something,” which outlines the steps we as citizens can take in our community every day in order to ensure safety.
Legendary Holocaust survivor Dr. Viktor Frankl wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Certainly, the space we find ourselves in due to ISIS’s recent acts of terrorism is a tragic and anxious one, but we must maintain our resolve for what we believe to be good and humane, not only for our own growth and freedom as adults, but, more importantly, for the growth and freedom of our children.
Michael Oberschneider, Psy.D, is the founder and director of Ashburn Psychological and Psychiatric Services. Dr. Oberschneider has been featured on the Good Morning America, CNN and other popular media spots as a mental health expert. He has also received the Washingtonian magazine “Top Therapist” honor for his work with children and teens.