The Purgatory of Digital Dating

When online accounts play hard to get.

OkCupid and I have parted ways, it seems.

I didn’t see this coming. But the site is rejecting me.

For the past week I’ve tried to log in to my account unsuccessfully. It started when I noticed that I hadn’t gotten any love in a while online—no juicy emails, no “Quiver matches” (a term I’ve never adored), no pronouncements that “Someone chose you.” The lack of attention hurt.

So I went to the homepage, not the usual way I log in. First, OkCupid said it had temporary problems with the site. OK, fair enough. I came back a few days later. Then, the next day. Nada. When I tried to change my password through an email notification it told me I was not an account holder. Alright, I figured, I’ll use the opportunity to get a whole new profile and restart this baby.

That didn’t work either. OkCupid was on to me. I was a user yet not a user at the same time. The purgatory of digital dating.

This is perplexing. I’ve been active on and off for about two years on OkCupid. The site and I have had our ups and downs. Certainly it’s brought creeps my way, armed with iPhone cameras and the need to send inappropriate pictures my way. I’ve also been on fun dates that, even if they didn’t bind me to a soulmate, brought some delight to my life—and helped improve my mini golf game.

I went on OkCupid in the first place because of promises that it was the quirkier cousin to Match and eHarmony with more offbeat, interesting singles on hand. Whether this is really true, I’m not sure, since there’s so much crossover between sites. Maybe guys just de-bro-ify their profiles a tad from the other sites.

Regardless, I wanted to know: Just why was this happening?

If we’re being honest, the problems were probably tied to a computer glitch that could be solved by contacting customer service. This just didn’t logical though. Instead I consulted the OkCupid Terms of Use, which were updated in just October, to see if I’d unknowingly flubbed our relationship.

Here are some of the behaviors the Powers That Be frown upon and rules and priorities they set:

Not being an adult is a no-no—Well, I may lack maturity sometimes and wish I was not a grown up. But I am, in fact, one. And that’s certainly a good rule.

Automatic renewal is the norm—Apparently subscriptions continue “indefinitely” until cancelled by the user. Color me still confused. Unless I am sleep web surfing, I don’t recall taking action to change or cancel my membership.

Using links outside of the site is allowed but “at your own risk”—This, I assume, applies to those folks who decide to include their YouTube channel so potential dates can see them jam out on the guitar. I’ve noticed some guys also try to gauge sense of humor by rattling off Internet clips they find funny. “If you think X,Y and Z are funny, too, we might be compatible,” they basically say as an explanation. Only I’ve never tried this style of linking in my profile.

Copyright is in effect—Well, naturally. I make it a point not to plagiarize people or copy their words, especially because their life stories are a tad different than mine and it wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense in this context.

Only one bona fide profile is allowed—Why would I want twice the effort and aggravation? I suppose to try out my crazy female wrestler alter ego. However, that has never occurred to me to do either.

Commercial use is frowned upon—Fair enough. I’ve certainly never done any selling.

Ah, well. The lesson is I’m clean. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding. Or maybe my accidental kicking off of OkCupid is a sign. Could it be time to try on some other options? Take a break from online meeting tools? Time, as it always does, will tell.