Lunge, Jump, and Sniveling the Whole Way

I’ll never take my legs for granted again.

Tuesday was leg day in Alpha. Honestly it was hideous and wonderful at the same time. We started out with back squats, 10 reps x 10 rounds. I could lift 65 pounds for all 100 squats. Plus I was wearing my smoking gun Detroit t-shirt so it was pretty obvious that I was a bona fide badass.

Until I got to the Farmer lunges. As if lunges aren’t already burpees wretched step-sister, adding the farmer aspect which is accompanying the lunge with 45-pound bars on each arm was just plain horrible. I could lift each 45-pound bar, but I absolutely could not lunge. I was literally weighted down and my legs wouldn’t go. I had to use lighter bars. The lighter bars were still 20 pounds each and not much better but at least I could still lunge.


After lunges, came jump boxes, and more lunges and more jump boxes. Following the jump boxes and lunges came a whole series of other leg exercises to stretch the hamstrings that shocked me to profanity with their difficulty. To top off we had to do something called a dung beetle, or beetle, or beetle bug, I can’t recall, but it was next to impossible for me to do and I was, of course, the last to finish.This involved taking one of the large weighted balls and doing a backwards crawl while balancing your feet on the ball and therefore moving the ball backwards, while moving your hands backwards to keep up with the moving ball. We had to get to the half-court line in the gym. I was sniveling before I even made headway past the start line.

Lucky for me, one of my very kind friends in the class decided to help me finish by doing more dung beetle’s with me after she finished (even though she just recovered from a knee injury). Now that’s true blue.

The entire workout—despite being very challenging—felt incredible for my psyche, which admittedly has had a lot going on lately and needed the endorphin rush. My boss (a fitness goddess and my idol) who is also in the class with me had warned me that our trainer, Bryan said this workout would be so hard we wouldn’t be able to walk for days.

The next day, though a little sore, I felt like I was fine to walk. Huzzah!, I thought, triumphantly, I am getting so fit. Then I tried to walk down my apartment stairs and my legs almost gave out. I clung to the guard rail going down all four flights as if I had just regained use of my legs and was relearning to use them on stairs for the first time.

The pain only got worse from there, waking me up the next day when my legs felt stiff and tight. I tried going hiking with my sister in Harpers Ferry two days after my leg workout, and not only could I not hike, but I still could barely get up or down stairs without looking like a 92-year-old in a 27-year-old’s body. My sister cursed leg day when I nearly pushed her off a mountainside when my leg gave out going down two steps and catching her for balance. 

It has now been three days since my leg workout in Alpha and I am still sore. I have now realized two things:

1)   Don’t ever underestimate my trainer as he’s not one to make a proclamation and not follow through.

2)   Maybe I should try that novel thing called stretching once in awhile.

Until I get normal usage of my legs back I will have a whole new appreciation of what they can do.